Animal Jokes

This little snail bought a little…

This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted. The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little S's painted all around and all over his car. The service man asked him why, and the snail answered " When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S- Car- Go! "

Deep within a forest a little…

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. " Dear, " she chirped, " I think it's time to tell him he's adopted. "

A lion was getting rather old…

A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it " Hi Mr. Lion! " The other said, " Where did you get the gorilla suit? " The lion, rather frustrated, asks, " How did you know I was a lion? " The eagles then started to sing, " You can't hide your lion eyes".

There once was a baby elephant…

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. " Why did you do that? " the giraffe asks. " When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason, " the elephant replied. " Wow! You must have a good memory! " exclaimed the giraffe. " Yep! " said the elephant. " I've got Turtle- Recall. "

A man moved to a mountain…

A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said " it is quite cold out here can I come in? " the man shouted " NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone! " and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, " What did you do that for? "

A skunk family had two little…

A skunk family had two little skunks they called In and Out. One day little In disappeared. Mother Skunk, Father Skunk and young Out spent hours looking for him, getting more worried all the time. In the end the parents went home to have a cup of tea, but Out said he'd continue searching for a while. Half an hour later he returned home, with a tired In following behind him. 'However did you find him? 'asked Father Skunk. 'In- stinct, 'replied Out.

Look over there! Said the frightened…

Look over there! Said the frightened skunk to his pal. " There's a human with a gun, and he's getting closer and closer! What are we going to do? " To which the second skink calmly replied, " Let us spray. "