What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond? He had him newt- ered.
This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted. The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little S's painted all around and all over his car. The service man asked him why, and the snail answered " When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S- Car- Go! "
What did the baby skunk want to be when he grew up? A big stinker!
What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson? He stank to the bottom of the pool!
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. " Dear, " she chirped, " I think it's time to tell him he's adopted. "
What did Cinderella Dolphin where to the ball? Glass flippers!
What happens when sharks take their clothes off? They go sharkers!
Why did the whale cross the road? To get to the other tide!
What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn? A Moles Royce.
A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it " Hi Mr. Lion! " The other said, " Where did you get the gorilla suit? " The lion, rather frustrated, asks, " How did you know I was a lion? " The eagles then started to sing, " You can't hide your lion eyes".
What's a skunk's philosophy of life? Eat, stink and be merry!
What did one skunk say to another? And so do you!
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. " Why did you do that? " the giraffe asks. " When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason, " the elephant replied. " Wow! You must have a good memory! " exclaimed the giraffe. " Yep! " said the elephant. " I've got Turtle- Recall. "
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale- d
If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called? Loch Jaws.
What is a whale's favorite TV show? Flukes of Hazard!
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed.
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said " it is quite cold out here can I come in? " the man shouted " NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone! " and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, " What did you do that for? "
Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold!
A skunk family had two little skunks they called In and Out. One day little In disappeared. Mother Skunk, Father Skunk and young Out spent hours looking for him, getting more worried all the time. In the end the parents went home to have a cup of tea, but Out said he'd continue searching for a while. Half an hour later he returned home, with a tired In following behind him. 'However did you find him? 'asked Father Skunk. 'In- stinct, 'replied Out.
What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line? A drip dry skunk.
Who held the baby octopus to ransom? Squidnappers!
How do you shoot a great white shark? Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun!
Why don't whales eat sushi very often? Of course whales like sushi. It's just those itty- bitty chop sticks that keep getting stuck in their teeth.
What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player? Bear Jordan.
Look over there! Said the frightened skunk to his pal. " There's a human with a gun, and he's getting closer and closer! What are we going to do? " To which the second skink calmly replied, " Let us spray. "
What is a chameleon's motto? A change is as good as a rest!
Two skunks were being chased by a bear. As the bear got closer, one of the skunks said " Whatever shall we do? " " Let us spray! " replied the other.
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke? This one will sleigh you!
What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast? How slime flies!
How does an octopus go to war? Well- armed!
What is the most famous shark? William Sharkspeare!
Why did the whale like the diver? Because he had flippers!
What are the most athletic rodents? Track and field mice.
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, " What would you like? " the fish says holding his neck, " Water".