How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
Fred came rushing in to his Dad. " Dad! " he puffed, " is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away? " " That's what they say, " said his Dad. " Well, give me an apple quick? I've just broken the doctor's window! "
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple.
School lunches are not generally popular with those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason. " What kind of pie do you call this? " asked one schoolboy indignantly. " What's it taste of? " asked the cook. " Glue! " " Then it's apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap. "
What did the apple say to the apple pie? " You've got some crust. "
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
How does an apple a day keep the doctor away? When you take careful aim.
Why don't apples smile when you go bobbing? Because they're crab apples!
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie? Puff pastry!
Once upon a time there were five apples Which was the cowboy? None – because they were all redskins.
Why did Eve want to move to New York? She fell for the Big Apple!
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
What did the Gorilla do with the apple he was holding in his hands? He brought it to school and said, 'An Ape- lle for the teacher! '
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
What's the difference between a worm and an apple? Have you ever tried worm pie?!
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm!
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
If it took six pigs two hours to eat the apples in the orchard, how many hours would it take three pigs? None, because the six pigs have already eaten them all.
Two girls were having their packed lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said, 'Watch out for worms won't you! 'The first one replied, 'why should I? They can watch out for themselves.
A Pittsburgh steel worker was driving through northern California's apple country. He stopped at an orchard and asked the owner, " How much are yer apples? " " All you can pick for one dollar, " said the rancher. " Okay, " said the Pennsylvanian. " I'll take two dollars'worth. "
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple!
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, " If you had 4 apples and I asked for one, how many would you have left? " Quickly he replied, " If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 apples. "
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
Two boys were eating a snack lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said, " Watch out for worms won't you! " The first one replied, " Why should I? They can watch out for themselves. "
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs!
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm!
First apple: You look down in the dumps. What's eating you? Second apple: Worms, I think.