Apple jokes

If it took six pigs two hours…

If it took six pigs two hours to eat the apples in the orchard, how many hours would it take three pigs? None, because the six pigs have already eaten them all.

Two girls were having their packed lunch…

Two girls were having their packed lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said, 'Watch out for worms won't you! 'The first one replied, 'why should I? They can watch out for themselves.

A Pittsburgh steel worker was driving through…

A Pittsburgh steel worker was driving through northern California's apple country. He stopped at an orchard and asked the owner, " How much are yer apples? " " All you can pick for one dollar, " said the rancher. " Okay, " said the Pennsylvanian. " I'll take two dollars'worth. "

After a minor mathematical error on a…

After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, " If you had 4 apples and I asked for one, how many would you have left? " Quickly he replied, " If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 apples. "

Two boys were eating a snack lunch…

Two boys were eating a snack lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said, " Watch out for worms won't you! " The first one replied, " Why should I? They can watch out for themselves. "

Fred came rushing in to his Dad….

Fred came rushing in to his Dad. " Dad! " he puffed, " is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away? " " That's what they say, " said his Dad. " Well, give me an apple quick? I've just broken the doctor's window! "

School lunches are not generally popular with…

School lunches are not generally popular with those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason. " What kind of pie do you call this? " asked one schoolboy indignantly. " What's it taste of? " asked the cook. " Glue! " " Then it's apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap. "