Do you like your new baby sister? She's all right. Do you play with her? No, and we can't even send her back because she's been here more than 28 days.
A family of ducks were walking down the road when an 18- wheeler ran over all but 1 baby. Farther down the road a family of skunks were walking the other way when the same 18- wheeler ran over all but one baby. The duck and the skunk finally met each other and the duck said, " Excuse me, my mom died down the road. Would you tell me what I am? " " Well", said the skunk " You have webbed feet, a beak, and feathers. You must be a duck. " " Thanks" said the duck; then the skunk said, " My mom died down the road too, will you tell me what I am? " " Well", said the duck, " Your black, your white, & your mom's dead, you must be O. J. 's kid"
Today I saw a baby who had put on five stone in weight in two weeks by drinking elephant's milk. Whose baby was it? The elephant's!
Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said " Now, son… that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home. " " I promise not to mention his ears at all" said Little Johnny. At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hand He looked at it's mother and said " Oh What a Beautiful little baby". The mother said " Thank you very much, Little Johnny. " He then said, " this baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why… just look at his pretty little eyes…. Did his doctor say that he can see good? " The Mother said " why, yes Johnny… his doctor said he has 20/20 vision. Little Johnny said " well, its a darn good thing, cause he sure couldn't wear glasses!!!
How do you get a paper baby? Marry an old bag.
Why do we dress baby girls in pink and baby boys in blue? Because they can't dress themselves.
What did Baby Corn say to Mother Corn? Where's Pop Corn?
I got a letter from my sister. She just had a baby. But she didn't say whether it's a boy or girl. So I don't know if I'm an uncle or an aunt.
Why is a baby like an diamond? Because it's a dear little thing.
Why does a mother carry her baby? The baby can't carry the mother.
When a baby is learning to eat, shouldn't he have an L- plate?
How does a baby ghost cry? " Boo- hoo! Boo- hoo! "
Why did the baby monster put his father in the freezer? Because he wanted frozen pop.
What do you get if you cross a mountain and a baby? A cry for Alp!
Mum, is it true my baby sister came from Heaven? Yes, that's right. Well, I don't blame God for chucking her out.
What do you get if you cross a baby with soldiers? Infantry!
Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a " tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins" " That's funny", the second man remarked, " my wife was reading 'the three musketeers'and she gave birth to triplets" The third man shouted, " Good God, I have to rush home! " When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!!
Knock Knock Who's there! Baby! Baby who? Baby love, my baby love….!
Mother: Why is there a strange baby in the crib? Daughter: You told me to change the baby.
Q: How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, They don't make Pampers small enough.
Dewey and Odell met on the Brownsville main street. " Say, " said Dewey, " Ah hurd yew and yore wife is goin'ta night school ta take Spanish lessons. How cum? " " Uh huh, " answered Odell. " We went and adopted us a little Mexican baby, and we wanna be able ta understand him when he gets old enough ta talk! "
A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, " Dad, am I pure polar bear? " The dad replies, " Sure you are son. I'm all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear. " Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, " Mom, am I pure polar bear? " She answers, " Of course you are honey. I'm all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. " Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, " Grandmom…Grandpop…am I all polar bear? " His grandmother answers, " Of course you are sweetie. We're all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie? " The baby polar bears replies, " Because I'm f* * * * * * freezing! "
Q: Where does a white baby go when it dies? A: Heaven Q: What does it get? A: Wings Q: What does it become? A: An angel Q: Where does a black baby go when it dies? A: Heaven Q: What does it get? A: Wings Q: What does it become? A: A Bat!
Q: What's brown and in a baby's diaper? A: Michael Jackson's hand!!
Who is bigger – Mrs Bigger or Mrs Bigger's baby? Mrs Bigger's baby, because he's a little Bigger.
Q: What's pink and red and can't turn round in a corridor? A: A baby with a javellin through its head.
Cry Baby – by Liza Weeping
What is a baby: A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other.
Why did you drop the baby? Well, Mrs Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby, so I wanted to see if he did.
It can't go on! It can't go on! What can't go on? This baby's vest? it's too small for me.
Did you hear about Mrs Dimwit's new baby? She thought babies should be pink, so she took this one to the doctor because it was a horrible yeller.
What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake? Stop crying and viper your nose.
Mum, are the Smiths very poor people? I don't think so, Jimmy. Why do you ask? Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin
What do baby pythons play with? Rattle- snakes.
Daddy, daddy, can I have another glass of water, please? But that's the tenth one I've given you tonight! Yes, but the baby's bedroom is still on fire.