Bird jokes

What is the definition of a goose? An animal that grows down as it grows up!

What do Scottish owls sing? Owld Lang Syne.

What goes 'peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang'? A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons!

What did the scornful owl say? Twit twoo.

What did the baby chick say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange? 'Dad, dad, look what marma- laid'!

Two owls were playing pool. One said, " Two hits. " The other replied, " Two hits to who? "

How do you stop a rooser crowing on Sunday? Eat him on Saturday!

What do you get if you cross a giant, hairy monster with a penguin? I don't know but it's a very tightfitting tuxedo.

What kind of bird lays electric eggs? A battery hen!

Why did a man's pet vulture not make a sound for five years? It was stuffed.

What do you get from a drunk chicken? Scotch eggs!

Teacher: What's a robin? Fred: A bird that steals, ma'am.

Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out forest fires!

What do you call a vulture with no beak? A head banger.

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer? A brick- layer!

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls (bagels, get it? ).

Why does a rooster watch TV? For hentertainment!

Did you hear about the chicken that wanted to take ballet lessons? " He wanted to be a hentertainer. "

What happens when geese land in a volcano? They cook their own gooses!

What kind of doctor does a duck visit? A Ducktor.

Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air? Because eggs were going up!

Chicken to turkey: " Only Thanksgiving and Christmas??? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday. "

How do you make a tame duck wild? Annoy it.

Why did the chicken cross the road in Missouri? To show the opossum it could be done.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!

What do you get if you cross an eagle with a skunk? A bird that stinks to high heaven.

How many ducks would there be, if you saw two ducks in front of two ducks, two ducks between two ducks, and two ducks behind two ducks? Answer: 4 ducks- because they are in a row.

Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting " Pieces of four"? Short John Silver!

What does an educated owl say? Whom.

A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge outside the tenth floor of a skyscraper. The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late. " Where were you? I was worried sick. " " It was such nice day, I decided to walk. "

What is a parrot? A wordy birdy!

What do confused owls say? Too- whit- to- why?

" Look at that speed! " said one hawk to another as the jet fighter plane hurtled over their heads. " Hmph! " snorted the other. " You would fly fast too if your tail was on fire! "

Why did the rooster run away? He was chicken!

What did the baby owl's parents say when he wanted to go to a party? You're not owld enough.