What's a blondes idea of natural childbirth? No make- up.
One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse. Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.
A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde replied, ''What for? Are you going to set it on fire! ''
Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon? A: A vacant posession.
This blonde is so stupid, she called me to get my telephone number!
Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? A: Some traffic signs say stop.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who hijacked a submarine? A: She demanded $ 200, 000 and a parachute.
Q: Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side? A: She didn't know where to buy Left Guard!
Q: What was the last thing a blonde heard before dying of old age? A: " Today children, we will learn our ABC's"
Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her a month to realize she could play it at night…
A man works in the operations department of a large bank. Employees call him from the field when they have problems with their computers. One night a blonde woman from a branch bank called him and said, " I've got smoke coming from the back of my computer terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown? "
Q: What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college? A: " Would you like fries with that? "
Q: What did the dumb blonde say when told that " Scheherezade" was composed by Rimsky- Korsakov? A: " Why'd his mom choose to call him Rimsky of all names?!!? "
One day 3 women went to the top of a water flume in a swimming pool. There was a black haired, brown haired, and a blonde haired woman. When they got to the top a genie appeared from nowhere and said " when your going down the flume shout out the on thing that you want and you will land in it at the bottom. So the black haired woman went down and shouted " money" and landed in a load of cash, the brown haired woman went down and shouted " gorgous men! " and landed in a pile of men. The blonde woman wasnt listening to the genie so she went down shouting weeeeeee.
At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first. " That won't work, " countered the woman. " I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt. "
Q: How do you recognize a blonde in school? A: They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the teacher erases the board.
Q: How does a blonde hemophiliac treat herself? A: Acupuncture.
Q: What can save a dying blonde? A: Hair transplants.
Why don't blondes like to make Kool- Aid? They can't get eight cups of water into that little packet.
A blonde's house is on fire. She runs outside and yells, " Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?! " Someone else yells, " Call 911! " The blonde yells back, " What's the number? "
A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their pick- up truck. The brunette was sitting up front with the man and the blonde was in the back. While driving across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge. After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of the cab and surfaced. A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the water, panting and breathless. ''Where have you been? ''asked the man. ''I can't believe you left me down there! I couldn't get the tailgate open! ''
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school? A: She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the Hymenlick Manuever.
One day a blond went out to check her mail box. There was nothing in it. Her neighbor who was also out there gives her a weird look. An hour later she goes back out to her mailbox and goes back in cause there was nothing in it and her neighbor goes " What the hell is she doing? " An hour later she goes back out side and looks in the mailbox and there is nothing in it. Finally the neighbor gets curious enough to ask her what she is doing. The blone says, " My stupid computer keeps saying you've got mail. "
In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish- granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth – – if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. " I think I'm the smartest woman on earth. " " POOF! " She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. p> " I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth. " " POOF! " She disappears. The blonde goes up. " I think- – " " POOF! "
Q. How do you know a blonde has been using a dishwasher? A. It's cloged up with paper plates.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite color? A: A light shade of clear.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that got pregnant for the second time? A: She asked her husband if they needed to get married again.
How do you plant dope? Bury a blonde.
A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, " How is much is this TV? " The salesman said, " Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes. " The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, " Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes. " The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, " Sorry we don''t sell to blondes. " She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde? " " Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave. "
One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time. ''I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too! ''
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? A: The vegetable garden.
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousn ess or even death when Frank, the Wal- Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
A German woman is walking down the street. Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her. She screams, ''Nein! Nein! ''So two guys walk away.
Q. How many blonde's does it take to change a light bulb? A. 3. 1 to find the bulb, 1 to find a ladder and 1 to find a man.
Q: How do you drown a blonde? A: When he asks for a lifesaver, ask him what flavor he wants.