Q: Did you hear about the new blonde hoodlum? A: She runs around spray- painting her name on chain link fences.
A friend meets up with her friend as she is picking her car up from the mechanic. Her friend asks, " Everything ok with your car now? " The blonde replies, " Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid. "
Why can't blondes make Kool Aid? Because they can't figure out how to get eight cups of water into that tiny little package.
Q: Why did the blond quit his restroom attendant job? A: He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer!
Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine? A: " Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami! "
Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She proudly said, " Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them! " Her friend said, " O. K. then, what's the capital of France? " The blonde replied, " Oh, that's so easy! F. "
Q: How many blonde jokes are there? A: One – the rest are all true.
Q: How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash? A: She's the one on her bike.
Q: What do you call a blonde sky diving team? A: A new version of the lawn dart's game.
A blonde bought a brand new car and decided to drive down from some place far off, to meet this friend. She reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening. But she didn't reach home in the evening and not the next day either. When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother ran and asked her what happened? She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, " These car designers are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back! "
Q: Once there was the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde they were walking down the road when they saw a $ 100 dollars bill who gets it?? A: No one the first four dont exsist and the other blonde thought it was a gumwraper!
A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, " All right, who's the other father!?! "
Q: What is 74 to a blonde? A: 69 plus VAT
Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the " Vacant" sign up?
A blonde, brunette and a redhead had a breaststroke swimming race across the English Channel. The brunette came in first, the redhead came in second and the blonde never finished. When the blonde got in the lifeboat she said, ''I don't want to be a tattletale or anything, but the other two used their arms. ''
Q. How do you know a blonde has been using the computer? A. There is cheese in front of the mouse.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a car accident? A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.
Q: Did you hear about the Blonde who got a pair of water- skis? A: She's still looking for a lake with a slope.
A 92- year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78- year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it. " Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty- five minutes ago! " the former blonde asked.
Three blondes are stranded on an island. A fairy comes along and says that she will grant each person a wish. So the first blonde says she wants to be really smart so she digs and finds a cell phone and calls the Army. The second blonde says that she wants to be even smarter so she finds a flair and sets it off. The third blonde says that she wants to be even smarter than both of them, so the fairy changes her hair color to black and she says, " Let's go over the bridge. "
A brunette walks into a bar and says, " Gimme an M L. " The bartender says, " What's an M L? " The brunette says, " A Miller Light. " Another brunette walks in and says, " Gimme a B L" The bartender says, " What's a B L? " She says, " Bud Light. " A dumb blonde walks in and says, " Gimme a 15. " The bartender says, " What's a fifteen? " The blonde says, " 7& 7, duh! "
Q: Why do blondes drive VWs? A: Because they can spell it.
Did you hear about the blonde who was an M. D. – – Mentally Deficient?
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager.
Q: How can you tell if a cat is blonde? A: No matter what height you drop it from it always lands on its head.
Q: Why didn't the blondes go to the movies on one buck night? A: They couldn't fit a deer into the car.
Q: What is a blonde's definition of a naval destroyer? A: A hula hoop with a nail in it.
While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, " I wonder why? " The blonde replied, " Must be because the oil would suffocate them. "
A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit. They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature. The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said " Oh i know. " So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what looked a bottle. She poured it on the rabit and they both got in the car. Suddenly the rabit got up hopped a little bit and waved, hopped a little and waved, hopped to the top of the hill and waved. Then dissapered over it. The husband just stared at his wife and said " Honey, what did you pour on that rabit? " His wife just said " Hair Restorer with a permanent wave. "
Q: Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it? A: A blonde tried to shoot herself!
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up!
Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
Did you hear about the blonde who missed the 44 bus? She took the 22 twice instead.
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets? A: She went looking for the three guys.