Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: Give her a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say 'hi. '
Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size? A: Silicone chips.
A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area. The blonde exclaimed, " Wow! I can't believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway! "
There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game. At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see if she could win $ 1000. The first question was what is 10 plus 11? She hesitates and says, hm.. 5! The host says no im sorry thats incorrect. All of the blondes in the stadium chanted " Give her another chance, give her another chance! " So the host agrees and said, " ok how about 5 plus 5. " She answers and says 20. Again all the blondes chanted give her another chance, give her another chance. So the host agrees again and says, ok last chance, what is 2 plus 2. The blonde says 4! and the audience says Give her another chance give her another chance!
A blonde walks down the street and sees a banana peel a hundred yards ahead, and she sighs. " Here we go again. "
Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? A1: They can't find the zipper. A2: They cant find the pull tab.
Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
Did you hear about the blonde who put " Sagittarius" at the bottom of application forms where it said " Sign Here".
Q: What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket? A: Married.
Q: What does a blonde say when you asked her what the last two words of the national anthem are? A: Play ball.
Q: How do you electrocute a blonde? A: Tell her to demonstrate the proper usage of an electric chair.
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on " Science & Nature. " Her question was, " If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it? " She thought for a time and then asked, " Is it on or off? "
One day a blonde woman was down on her luck and she needed a quick way to get money. She saw some kids playing and thought " Hey! Maybe I can kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom! " So she creeps up and snatches one. So she began to write a note: " I have kidnaped your son and I will give him back if you put 10, 000$ on the north side of the tree in the park. Signed Blonde. " She sticks the note on the kid and sends him home. The next day she goes to the north side of the tree and in a paper bag was 10, 000$. But there was a note inside saying: " How could you do this to a fellow blonde!?! "
Q: What do a blonde and a car have in common? A: They can both drive you crazy.
Q: Why don't blondes eat Jelly? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Did you hear about the blonde who went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
Q: How can you tell a blonde is being unfaithful? A: Everybody in the neighborhood is going to the pharmacy for penicillin.
Q: How did the blonde kill her toy poodle? A: Trying to put batteries in it.
Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes? A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: How do you know if a blonde has been sending e- mail? A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, " Hmmm, this person looks familiar. " The second blonde says, " Here, let me see! " So the first Blonde hands her the compact. She looks in the mirror and says, " You dummy, it's me! "
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, " Cruise Special – – $ 99! ". She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, " I'd like the $ 99 cruise special, please. " The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating. A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $ 99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, " Do they serve refreshments on this cruise? The second blonde replies, " They didn't last year. "
Q: Why do brunettes know so many blonde jokes? A: Gives 'em something to do on Saturday night!
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make- up exam?
Q: Why did the blonde jump off the cliff? A: She thought her maxi pad had wings
Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth? A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the blonde joke list.
Q: Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes? A: They take off their makeup.
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. " If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it. " Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty- five minutes. Finally the driver of the snow plow got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, " Well, I'm done with the Wal- Mart lot, now you can follow me over to K- Mart…"
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double- decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead. She says, 'What the heck's goin'on up here? We're havin'a grand time downstairs! 'One of the blondes looks up and says, 'Yeah, but you've got a driver! '
''Have you heard my knock- knock joke? ''asked the blonde. ''No, ''said the brunette. ''Okay, ''said the blonde, ''you start. ''
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN? A: Because she didn't know which one came first!
Q: What a BLONDE will ask the doctor, in the maternity ward? A: " Is it mine? "
Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials? A: Double- dumb.