This little boy was at school one day and had to use the bathroom really bad. So he raised his hand and told the teacher he had to use the bathroom really bad. She said ok well let me hear your ABC'S first so he started saying them" A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O,, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z and the teacher said that's great but where's the P at he said it's running down my leg!
Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave. The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilots'uniforms- – both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing- eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin; but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin- – but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they have all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. Up in the cockpit, the copilot turns to the pilot and says, " You know, Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die… "
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says " Hey little girl. What are you doing? " The little girl says " I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck! " The fireman walks over to take a closer look. " Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck! " the fireman says. " Thanks mister" says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles. " Little girl", says the fireman, " I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster. " The little girl says, " You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren! '
Why did the mirror cross the road? To see itself!!