Two Men were leaving church on a bright Sunday morning. " You know, " said the first friend, " I can always tell who the golfers are in church. " " How's that? " asked his friend. " It's easy, " he said. " Just look at who is praying with an interlocking grip. "
Did you hear about the local country club that was determined to be politcally correct? Instead of saying the golfers have handicaps, they say they're stroke- challenged!
Three duffers were out golfing with the club pro one day. The first duffer teed off and hit a dribbler about 60 yards. He turned to the pro and asked, " What did I do wrong? " The pro replied, " Loft. " The next golfer teed off and duck hooked the ball into the woods. He asked the pro the same question. The pro again answered, " Loft. " The third teed off and sliced into a pond. He too asked the pro, " What did I do wrong? " Again, " Loft. " As they were walking down the fairway, the first duffer finally spoke up to the pro. " All three of us hit completely different tee shots and yet when we asked you what we did wrong, you gave the same exact answer every time. So what does Loft mean? " The pro shook his head and said, " Lack of Friggin'Talent! "
Amateur golfer: someone who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging and once again after swinging. Oxymoron: an easy par three. A hack: when your divot flies further than your ball. Bad golfer: someone who can take strokes off his game only with an eraser. Duffer: the only guy in the world who has an unplayable lie when he tees up. Mexican hat dance: lots of spike marks around the hole. In jail: deep in the trees with no shot out. Worm burner: a shot going a long way on the ground.
Q: What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? A: When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it!
Q: What are the four worst words you could hear during a round of golf? A: It's still your turn!