Why did the kangaroo love the little Australian bear? Because the bear had many fine koala- ties!
Sammy: My parents are sending me to camp. Tammy: Why? Do you need a vacation? Sammy: No. They do!
What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head? Sister Matic!
After wedding a young couple rented a town house in a large complex. Concerned about a leak in an upstairs bathroom, young woman called the manager several times, but nothing happened. Finally her husband reached the manager and, noting the seriousness of the problem, said, " My wife is afraid the bathtub will fall through the kitchen. " " Oh, no, " the manager quickly replied. " The bathtub falls through the living room. "
What runs all day but never gets tired? Water.
A man had a nose ring fitted into his nose, a friend asked, " how much did you pay for that? " " I paid through the nose! " he replied
What did one rock pool say to the other rock pool? Show me your mussels.
What did one bell say to the other? " Be my valenchime! "
Steve wrote home. 'I'm glad you named me Steve, 'he said in the letter. 'Why? 'asked his mother in her reply. 'Because that's what all the kids at camp call me, 'he wrote back.
What do you call a man who cleans out toilets? Lou!
The young Southern belle came to the hospital for a check- up. " Have you ever been x- rayed? ", asked the doctor. " Nope, " she replied, " But ah've been ultra- violated. "
Q. What do Fred Flintstone and Osama Bin Laden have in common? A. They both look out their caves and see rubble.
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says " What's this? " She says, " Oh, my father's ashes are in there. " He goes, " Geez…oooh…. I…" She says, " Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray. "
Where did the fortune- teller go on her vacation? To Palm Beach.
What happened when the monster kissed his one true love? He left lip prints on the mirror!
Meg's mother was visiting her daughter at camp. 'How did you find the steak dinner? 'she asked. 'With a magnifying glass! '
What do you call an Igloo without a toilet? An Ig!
What do you use to cut the ocean? A seasaw
Q: How many Survivors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One to start screwing it in and the rest to vote 'em off the ladder.
Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by you again?
Q: Why don't you wear snow boots? A: Because they'll melt.
What would you get if you crossed a monster with the god of love? A stupid Cupid!
Pierre was a camper from France. In his honour, Jenny sang a French song in the talent show. But she didn't sing very well. 'Does that make you homesick? 'someone asked Pierre. 'No, 'he answered. 'Just sick sick! '
What do you get if you cross a toilet with a pop singer? Loo- Loo!
What is the most breathless thing on television? The Pink Panter Show!
So the bus driver said to the string, " Are you a string? " and the string said, " No, I'm afraid not". (A frayed knot).
Q: Where do people who say " shoot" and " darn" go to? A: Heck
Q: Why did the Mummy go to the bathroom? A: To wrap itself in toilet paper!
What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? " I love you a ton! "
John was hard at work with the broom in his family's tent. His mother came in and said, 'That's nice. Are you sweeping out the tent? ''No, 'John answered. 'I'm sweeping out the dirt. '
They're perfectly matched. He's blinded by love and her looks are out of sight!
Why did the teacher decide to become an electrician? To get a bit of light relief.
Q: Why couldn't the animals on Noah's Ark play cards? A: Because Noah was standing on the deck!
Q. What do you call a ginger bread man wit one leg? A. Limp biskit
Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A. He didn't have the guts too