Letter jokes

I got an anonymous letter today. Oh, really – who was it from?!

Why is the letter N the most powerful letter? Because it is in the middle of TNT.

What two letters do you say when you answer the phone? LO

1st vampire: How things? 2nd vampire: Terrible! Today I received a letter saying I'm overdrawn by 50 pints at the blood bank.

How many letters are there in the alphabet? Eleven. T- H- E A- L- P- H- A- B- E- T.

An old lady walked in to the post office to buy stamps and as she was short- sighted the clerk offered to stick the stamps on for her. `Wait a minute, 'he said, `you've written the address upside down. '`I know, 'said the little old lady, `the letter is going to Australia. '

Which two letters of the alphabet are nothing? MT (empty).

An Irishman went into a post office to see if there were any letters for him. " I'll see, sir, " said the clerk. " What is your name? " " You're having me on now because I'm Irish, " said the Irishman. " Won't you see the name on the envelope? "

What letter should you avoid? The letter A because it makes men mean.

What word allows you to take away two letters and get one? Stone.

What 8- letter word has one letter in it? Envelope.

Braxton and Hollis had jobs at a California cotton mill. One morning the foreman came along and found Braxton reading a letter to his coworker. " Hey, " cried the foreman, " what kind a horseplay you two guys up to? " " Hollis got a letter from his girlfriend, " explained Braxton, " but he can't read; so Ah'm readin'the letter for him. " " How come you got the cotton in your ears? " " Hollis don't want me to hear what his girlfriend writ to him! "

What letter stands for the ocean? The letter C.

Q: Why did the witch's mail rattle? A: It was a chain letter.

What two words have thousands of letters in them? Post office.

Why did the young witch have such difficulty writing letters? She had never learned to spell properly.

Did you hear about the sister who wrote herself a letter and forgot to sign it and when it arrived she didn't know who it was from.

What did the envelope say to the stamp? " Stick with me and we'll go places. "

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers? Fang mail.

Josh sent a letter to his folks. He told about a ten- mile hike he had taken. His father wrote back saying, 'In my day I thought nothing of walking ten miles. 'Josh wrote back, 'To tell the truth, I didn't think much of it either.

What did the stamp say to the envelope? " I've become attached to you. "

What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend? It's a dead letter day.

What does an envelope say when you lick it? Nothing. It just shuts up.

Why did the boy jump up and down on the letter? He heard that you have to stamp letters or the post office won't send them.

How does a ghost start a letter? Tomb it may concern.

Why do postmen carry letters? Because the letters can't go anywhere by themselves.

Why do people leave letters at the football ground? They want to catch the last goal- post!

Last night I wrote myself a letter. But I forgot to sign it and now I don't know who it's from.

What letter is like a vegetable? The letter P.

What do you call a Welshman who writes lots of letters? Pen Gwyn!

What did the werewolf write at the bottom of the letter? Best vicious…

What girl's name is like a letter? Kay (K).

His girlfriend returned all his letters. I bet she marked them " second class male! "

Betty was scribbling industriously over some paper with a pencil when her mother asked her what she was drawing. " I'm not drawing, Mom, " she said indignantly, " I'm writing a letter to Fred. " " But you can't write, " Mom pointed out. " That's all right, " said Betty, " Fred can't read. "

When is a letter damp? When it has postage due (dew).