Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in a lift with the Spice girls.
Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator to remind her of her goal. The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method. The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds.
Men are like old car tires. Balding, full of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.
Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Q. How are men like television commercials? A. You can't believe a word either one of them says, and they both last about 30 seconds.
Men are like plastic wrap. Cheap. Clingy. And very easy to see through.
Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment? A mental hospital.
Q: Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind wander? A: It's too little to be out alone.
Men are like department stores. Their clothes should always be half off.
Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away? 1) Get away or I'll call the police!!! 2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.
Q: Why do men float better than women? A: Because they are scum.
Men are like horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
What do you do if your bank account stops working? Throw the guy out of the house.
Q: What are the three types of men? A: The handsome, the caring, and the majority.
Men are like plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom
Why are men like paper cups? They're disposable
Men are like coffee. The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night.
Question: How many men does it take to mop the floor? Answer: None, it's a women's job.
why don't men do laundry? cause the washer and dryer don't run on remote control!
Men are like computers. Hard to figure out and never enough memory.
Question: If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
Why do men prefer blondes? Men always like intellectual company
Men are like coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Men are like chocolate bars. Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.
Q: Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women? A: Women working at 900 numbers.
The difference between men and women A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, " PIG! " The man immediately leans out his window and replies, " Stupid! " They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.
Men are like power tools. They make a lot of noise, but it's hard to get them to work.
Q: How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
Why did God create men first? Because we learn from mistakes.
Men are like remote controls. Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.
Brian was dating Lorraine and they were very close. While they were dating he met another woman named Clearly and wanted to start dating her but felt that he should be faithful to Lorraine. So he continued to date Lorraine. One day Brian took Lorraine on a walk in the woods by the river. As they were walking near the river Lorraine fell in and was washed away. Brian softly sang, " I can see Clearly now, Lorraine has gone…"
What a woman says: " This place is a mess C'mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor, and you'll have no clothes to wear, if we don't do laundry right now! " What a man hears: blah, blah, blah, blah, C'mon blah, blah, blah, blah, you and I blah, blah, blah, blah, on the floor blah, blah, blah, blah, no clothes blah, blah, blah, blah, right now!
Men are like shag carpets. Soft, fuzzy and extremely easy to walk on.