Movie and TV jokes

After a difficult day a struggling…

After a difficult day a struggling actor returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find a cadre of police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house. Explaining who he was he asks " What happened? " " Well, " one of the officer's says, " It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today and while he was here he attacked your wife, assaulted your children, beat your dog and burned your house to the ground. " The actor is struck speechless, his jaw hanging open in disbelief… " My agent came to my house? "

After a venerable career of endless,…

After a venerable career of endless, stellar successes the greatest director who ever lived is in his prime and preparing for his most ambitious project ever when he unexpectedly dies and is called home to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gate. " So sorry about your untimely death, " he tells the director. " But God himself has called you home. You see, God wants you to direct a movie for Him. " The great man is humbled, " God wants ME to direct a film? " " Yes, " St. Peter tells him. " And we've arranged to have the best of everything made available to you. For example, the script is by William Shakespeare. " The director is stunned, " An original screenplay by William Shakespeare? " " Yes, " St. Peter assures him, " And it's his greatest work ever. " " Wow! " says the Director, awe struck. " Your Production Designer will be Michaelangelo. We've got Leonardo Da Vinci d oing the sets, your musical score will be an original work by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and your cast includes a young Laurence Olivier and the greatest actors of all time in supporting roles. " The Director can't believe it. " This is incredible, " he says. " This will be the greatest movie ever? " St. Peter kind of shuffles his feet. " Well, " he says,...

The producer of a low budget…

The producer of a low budget film is trying to convince the newly hired director of the quality of the work by telling him the big names they've gotten for the cast. " First of all, " he tells him, " We've got Gibson in the lead. " The director is surprised, " You got Mel Gibson? " " Well, no, " the Producer responds, " we got Marvin Gibson, he's a distant cousin who lives in Queens, but he's very up and coming. And besides, we've also got Redford. " " You got Robert Redford? " the director asks. " No, we got Jeremy Redford, but he's very talented and has lots of acting experience from years of dinner theater. But, " he says enthusiastically, " we've got Streisand and in a singing role. " " Barbara Streisand? " he asks. " No, Elizabeth Streisand. " The Producer responds. " But she's got a great voice. AND we've got Goulet. " " You got Robert Goulet? " the director asks. " Yeah, " the producer replies glumly, " we got Robert Goulet. "

An actor went to see a…

An actor went to see a new agent one day and said, `You must have a look at my act, it really is innovative. 'So saying, he flew up to the ceiling, circled the room a few times and landed smoothly on the agent's desk. `So you do bird impressions, 'said the agent, `what else can you do? '

A bit-part actor finally got his…

A bit- part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again. `What's the matter? 'asked the director. `I can't jump from that board! 'said the actor. `Do you know there's only one foot of water in that pool? ''Yes, 'said the director. `We don't want you to drown, you know. '

Fred: I met a really conceited…

Fred: I met a really conceited actor the other day. Harry: Why do you say he's conceited? Fred: Well, every time there was a thunderclap during the storm, he went to the window and took a bow.