Music jokes

Q. How is a heart like a musician? A. They both have a beat: )

Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, " I could do that better.

Q: Why can't you hear a viola on a digital recording? A: Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.

Q: What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathizers.

A musician calls the orchestra office, asks for the conductor, and is told that he is dead. The musician calls back 25 times more and gets the same message from receptionist. She asks why he keeps calling. He replies, " I just like to hear you say it. "

Q: What's the difference between an onion and an accordion? A: No- one cries when you chop up an accordion.

Q. What did the bagpiper get on his I. Q. test? A. Drool.

Q: How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Only one, but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.

What do you call a mammoth who conducts an orchestra? Tuskanini.

A saxophone is like a lawsuit. Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control? A: Their personality.

Q: What is the definition of a major seventh? A: A violist playing octaves.

Q: Why don't violists play hide and seek? A: Because no one will look for them.

Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards? A: A new age song.

Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch? A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides.

Q: What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone? A: A Rolling Stone says " hey you, get off of my cloud! ", while a Scotsman says " Hey McLeod, get off of my ewe! "

Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin? A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.

When is the water in the shower room musical? When it's piping hot.

An eight- year- old kid says t his dad, " When I grow up, I want to be a musician. " The dad says, " I am sorry – – can't have it both ways. "

Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? A: King Kong is more sensitive.

Q: How is lightning like a violist's fingers? A: Neither one strikes in the same place twice.

Q: Why shouldn't violists take up mountaineering? A: Because if they get lost, it takes ages before anyone notices that they're missing.

Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards? A: You get your job and your wife back.

Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument? A: Hide it in an accordion case.

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor? A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.

Q: How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo? A: Write 'pp, espressivo'.

Why did the music student have a piano in the bathroom? Because he was practicing Handel's Water Music.

How do you make a bandstand? Take away their chairs

Q: What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

Q: Which positions does a violist use? A: First, third, and emergency.

Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert. " There's not much room on this page, " he said. " What shall I write? " Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint, " Write your repertoire. "

Q: How can you tell someone is a true music lover? A: When they even put their ear up to the bathroom keyhole.

Q: What's an accordion good for? A: Learning how to fold a map.

Q: Why do so many fishermen own banjos? A: They make great anchors!

Q: What's the definition of a nerd? A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.