Music jokes

Two violinists make a pact that…

Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies. He manages to make contact with Abe the next day. Abe says, " I can't believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven? " Max replies, " Well, it's great, but I've got good news, and I've got bad news. The good news is that there's a fantastic orchestra up here, and in fact, we're playing " Sheherezade, " your favorite piece, tomorrow night! " Abe says, " So what's the bad news? " Max replies, " Well, you're booked to play the solo! "

Q: When a 16-inch viola and…

Q: When a 16- inch viola and a 17- inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30- story building, which one hits the pavement first? A: Who cares!

"Haven't I seen your face before?"…

" Haven't I seen your face before? " a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. " You have, Your Honor, " the man answered hopefully. " I gave your son violin lessons last winter. " " Ah, yes, " recalled the judge. " Twenty years! "

Q: Why is it good that…

Q: Why is it good that accordionists have a half- ounce more brains than horses? A: So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.

A violist and a cellist were…

A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together. " Help! " cried the cellist, " I can't swim! " " Don't worry, " said the violist, " just fake it. "

A violist comes home late at…

A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be. The chief of police comes over to him and tells him, " While you were out, the conductor came to your house, killed your family, and burned the house down. " The violist replied, " You're kidding! The conductor came to my house? "