Teacher: In music, if " f" means " forte", what does " ff" mean? Pupil: Eighty
Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago? Pupil: Me!
Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears, do you have an infection? Pupil: Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!
Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year? Pupil: 12 – 2nd January, 2nd February…!
Teacher: Name two pronouns? Pupil: Who?, me?
Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that? Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday!
Teacher: Fred, I'm glad to see your writing has improved. Pupil: Thank you Teacher: Now I can see how bad your spelling is though!
Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions? Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here!
Pupil: The art teacher doesn't like what I'm making? Dad: Why is that, what are you making? Pupil: Mistakes!
Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won't freeze? Pupil: Hot water!
Mother: " Why are you home from school so early? " Son: " I was the only one who could answer a question. " Mother: " Oh, really? What was the question? Son: " Who threw the eraser at the principal? "
Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days? Pupil: All of them!
Principal: Do you do your homework? Kid: Now & Then Principal: Where do you do it? Kid: Here & There Principal: Put him in the closet!!! Kid: Hey, When will I get out? Principal: Oh, sooner or later
Teacher: What is can't short for? Pupil: Cannot miss Teacher: and what is don't short for Pupil: Doughnut!
Science teacher: What happened when electricity was first discovered? Fred: Someone got a nasty shock.
Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia? Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines!
Caspar: I was the teacher's pet last year. Jaspar: Why was that? Caspar: She couldn't afford a dog.
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of Pupil: Life imprisonment!
Teacher: What is the formula for water? George: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O Teacher: Is that the formula I gave you? George: Sure, you said H to O!
Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please? Pupil: There it is Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia? Pupil: Fred did!
TEACHER: " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? " JOHNNY: " Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time. "
Teacher: What's the longest word in the English language? Pupil: Smiles – because there is a mile between the first and last letters
Q: What did one math book say to the other? A: Man I got a lot of problems!
Teacher: I wished you would pay a little attention Pupil: I'm paying as little as I can!
Q. Why did the jellybean go to school? A. Because he wanted to be a smarty
Teacher: In what part of the world are the people most ignorant? Pupil: Hong Kong Teacher: Why do you say that? Pupil: That's where the atlas says the population is most dense!
Teacher: You seem very well read, have you read Shakespeare? Pupil: No Teacher: What have you read then? Pupil: Umm, I've got red hair!
Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river? Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can't see!
Mother: What did you learn in school today Son: How to write Mother: What did you write? Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!
Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems? Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: " Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face. " " Yes, sir, " the boys said. " Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet? " A little fellow shouted, " 'It's because yer feet ain't empty. "
The teacher came up with a good problem. " Suppose, " she asked the second- graders, " there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left? " " None, " answered little Norman. " None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic. " " Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go! "
Teacher: What happened to your homework? Pupil: I made it into a paper plane and someone hijacked it.
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour? Pupil: Because it can't sit down!
If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left? I don't know. Why not? In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.