School

Teacher: Why have you got cotton…

Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears, do you have an infection? Pupil: Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!

Mother: "Why are you home from…

Mother: " Why are you home from school so early? " Son: " I was the only one who could answer a question. " Mother: " Oh, really? What was the question? Son: " Who threw the eraser at the principal? "

Principal: Do you do your homework? Kid:…

Principal: Do you do your homework? Kid: Now & Then Principal: Where do you do it? Kid: Here & There Principal: Put him in the closet!!! Kid: Hey, When will I get out? Principal: Oh, sooner or later

Teacher: Fred can you find me…

Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please? Pupil: There it is Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia? Pupil: Fred did!

Teacher: In what part of the…

Teacher: In what part of the world are the people most ignorant? Pupil: Hong Kong Teacher: Why do you say that? Pupil: That's where the atlas says the population is most dense!

Mother: What did you learn in…

Mother: What did you learn in school today Son: How to write Mother: What did you write? Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!

A teacher was giving a lesson…

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: " Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face. " " Yes, sir, " the boys said. " Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet? " A little fellow shouted, " 'It's because yer feet ain't empty. "

The teacher came up with a…

The teacher came up with a good problem. " Suppose, " she asked the second- graders, " there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left? " " None, " answered little Norman. " None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic. " " Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go! "

If I had five coconuts and…

If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left? I don't know. Why not? In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.