School

"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said…

" Isn't the principal a dummy! " said a boy to a girl. " Say, do you know who I am? " asked the girl. " No. " " I'm the principal's daughter. " " And do you know who I am? " asked the boy. " No, " she replied. " Thank goodness! "

'Ann!' the teacher shouted one day…

'Ann! 'the teacher shouted one day at the girl who had been daydreaming out the window. 'If India has the world's second largest population, oranges are 50 cents for six and it costs $ 3 for a day return to Austin, how old am I? 'Thirty two! ''Why did you say that? ''Well, my brother's sixteen and he's half mad! '

Teacher: How much is half of 8…

Teacher: How much is half of 8 Pupil: Up and down or across? Teacher: What do you mean? Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0

One day our professor was discussing…

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre- med student rudely interrupted to ask, " Why do we have to learn this pointless information" " To save lives. " the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. " So how does physics save lives? " he persisted. " It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school, " replied the professor.

Mother: Did you enjoy the school…

Mother: Did you enjoy the school outing, dear? Jane: Yes, and we're going again tomorrow. Mother: Really? Why's that? Jane: To try and find the kids we left behind.

The teacher was reviewing counting with…

The teacher was reviewing counting with her first- grade class. " Jackie, " she asked, " can you count to 10 without mistakes? " " Yes, " said Jackie, and she did. " Now, Fred, " said the teacher, " can you count from 10 to 20? " " That depends, " said Fred, " with or without mistakes"!

A student called up his Mom…

A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke. His Mother said, " Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too? " " Uhh, oh yeah, O. K. " responded the kid. So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, " Well how much did you give the boy this time? " " Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $ 20, and the other for $ 1, 000 out to him. " " That's $ 1020!!! " yelled Dad, " Are you going crazy??? " " Don't worry hon, " Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, " I taped the $ 20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $ 1, 000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 15! "

A little kid's in school, taking…

A little kid's in school, taking a true- false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, " What are you doing? " He says, " Checking my answers. "

Teacher: Can you count to 10? Fred:…

Teacher: Can you count to 10? Fred: Yes, teacher- one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Teacher: Now go on from there. Fred: Jack, Queen, King.

Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke…

Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid- terms- – so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week, despite the Chemistry final being on Monday, they decided to go to the Uuniversity of Virginina to party with some friends. They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and tiredness, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found professor Bonk after the final and explained to him how they missed the final. They told him they went up to the University of Virgina for the weekend and had planned to come back in time to study, but they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare. They couldn't fix it for a long time and were late getting back to campus. Bonk thought this over and agreed that they could take the final the following day. The two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and...

Teacher: If I lay one egg…

Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be? Fred: None! Fred (surprised): Why not? Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!