" Isn't the principal a dummy! " said a boy to a girl. " Say, do you know who I am? " asked the girl. " No. " " I'm the principal's daughter. " " And do you know who I am? " asked the boy. " No, " she replied. " Thank goodness! "
'Ann! 'the teacher shouted one day at the girl who had been daydreaming out the window. 'If India has the world's second largest population, oranges are 50 cents for six and it costs $ 3 for a day return to Austin, how old am I? 'Thirty two! ''Why did you say that? ''Well, my brother's sixteen and he's half mad! '
Teacher: How much is half of 8 Pupil: Up and down or across? Teacher: What do you mean? Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0
Teacher: What are you reading? Pupil: I dunno! Teacher: But you're reading aloud! Pupil: But I'm not listening!
Teacher: Would you at the back of the room stop passing notes. Pupil: We're not passing notes. We're playing cards!
Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know where the Rockies were. Mother: Well next time remember where you put things!
Teacher: What family does the octopus belong to? Pupil: Nobody I know!
What are you going to be when you get out of school? An old man!
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre- med student rudely interrupted to ask, " Why do we have to learn this pointless information" " To save lives. " the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. " So how does physics save lives? " he persisted. " It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school, " replied the professor.
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph? Joseph: Because of a sign down the road. Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late? Joseph: The sign said, " School Ahead, Go Slow! "
Mother: Did you enjoy the school outing, dear? Jane: Yes, and we're going again tomorrow. Mother: Really? Why's that? Jane: To try and find the kids we left behind.
The teacher was reviewing counting with her first- grade class. " Jackie, " she asked, " can you count to 10 without mistakes? " " Yes, " said Jackie, and she did. " Now, Fred, " said the teacher, " can you count from 10 to 20? " " That depends, " said Fred, " with or without mistakes"!
Teacher: What's happens to gold when it is exposed to the air? Pupil: It's stolen!
Are you in the top half of your class? No, I'm one of the students who make the top half possible!
Teacher: What's big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mothers day? Pupil: The school bus!
What's yellow, has wheels and lies on its back? A dead school bus!
What did you learn in school today? Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!
A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke. His Mother said, " Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too? " " Uhh, oh yeah, O. K. " responded the kid. So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, " Well how much did you give the boy this time? " " Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $ 20, and the other for $ 1, 000 out to him. " " That's $ 1020!!! " yelled Dad, " Are you going crazy??? " " Don't worry hon, " Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, " I taped the $ 20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $ 1, 000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 15! "
A little kid's in school, taking a true- false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, " What are you doing? " He says, " Checking my answers. "
Why were you late? Sorry, teacher, I overslept. You mean you need to sleep at home too!
Teacher: Can you count to 10? Fred: Yes, teacher- one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Teacher: Now go on from there. Fred: Jack, Queen, King.
Teacher: Make up a sentence using the word lettuce! Pupil: Let us out of school early!
Art Teacher: The picture of the horse is good, but where is the wagon? Pupil: The horse will draw it!
Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4? Class: At once!
Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth! Pupil: What?, and get bitten!
Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper. Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either!
Mother: How was your first day at school? Son: It was all right except for some man called " Teacher" who kept spoiling all our fun!
Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid- terms- – so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week, despite the Chemistry final being on Monday, they decided to go to the Uuniversity of Virginina to party with some friends. They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and tiredness, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found professor Bonk after the final and explained to him how they missed the final. They told him they went up to the University of Virgina for the weekend and had planned to come back in time to study, but they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare. They couldn't fix it for a long time and were late getting back to campus. Bonk thought this over and agreed that they could take the final the following day. The two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and...
What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples? A senior high school math problem.
Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it? Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me?
Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be? Fred: None! Fred (surprised): Why not? Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!
Teacher: Billy, please don't whistle while studying. Billy: Oh, but I'm not studying – just whistling!
Teacher: Why are you picking your nose in class? Pupil: My mother won't let me do it at home!
Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America? On their feet!
Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you? Pupil: Not very much!