Where did vampires go to first in America? New- fang- land.
Why was Dracula always willing to help young vampires? Because he liked to see new blood in the business.
Why did the vampire stand at the bus stop with his finger up his nose? He was a ghoulsnif fer.
What is the American national day for vampires? Fangsgiving Day.
One vampire to the other: " Let's go and have a drink. I know a cosy little mortuary just round the corner"!
What's a vampire's favorite drink? A Bloody Mary.
How do vampires keep their breath smelling nice? They use extractor fangs.
Did you hear about the doctor who crossed a parrot with a vampire? It bit his neck, sucked his blood, and said, 'Who's a pretty boy then? '!
Why are vampire families so close? Because blood is thicker than water.
How does a vampire get through life with only one fang? He has to grin and bare it.
What did the vampire do to stop his son biting his nails? He cut all his fingers off!
Which flavor ice cream is Dracula's favorite? Vein- illa.
What has webbed feet and fangs? Count Quackula.
Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with? The girl necks door.
What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot? A bite in shining armor.
Doctor, doctor, I think I've been bitten by a vampire. Drink this glass of water. Will it make me better? No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
Why is it tough to compete against a vampire? Because they're always out for blood!
What's Dracula's car called? A mobile blood unit.
Why did the vampire go to hospital? He wanted his ghoulstones removed.
Did you hear about the vampire in Camelot? He was a bite of the Round Table!
What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula.
What's it called when a vampire kisses you goodnight? Necking.
What does a vampire take for a cold? Coffin syrup!
Why do vampires hate arguments? Because they make themselves cross.
Where is Dracula's American office? The Vampire State Building.
What is the best way to talk to a vampire? By long distance.
How does a girl vampire flirt? She bats her eyes.
Did you hear about the vampire who joined an orchestra? He stood on the roof and conducted lightning.
What do you call a vampire that can lift up cars? Jack- u- la!
MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy, hurry up and drink your soup before it clots.
Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin? It wanted to play squash.
What do you call a vampire in a raincoat? Mack- u- la!
Do you know how to catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
What's pink, lives in a sty and drinks blood? A hampire.
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus entertainer? Something that goes straight for the juggler!