Weather jokes

Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? Because then the children have to play inside.

I really don't understand why the federal government was so slow to send aid to the areas hit by Hurricane Andrew. After all, both Florida and Louisiana have oil.

What do hurricanes most like to eat for dessert? – Candy Canes

What did the lightning bolt say to the old oak tree? – Hang onto your bark, this will be no ordinary spark

What type of wind is named after a young deer? Foehn

Why do hurricanes travel so fast? Because if they travelled slowly, we'd have to call them slow- i- canes.

The U. S. has only three hurricane warning centers – Coral Gables, FL, Guam, and Honolulu, HI (recently completed). All three have faced Category 4 hurricanes in the past month. Which only goes to show: If you build it, they will come!

What did the primary rainbow say to the secondary rainbow? – Your pants are on backwards

What did the hail storm say to the roof? – Hang onto your shingles, this will be no ordinary sprinkles

How does a male lightning bolt feel when he notices an attractive female lightning bolt? Thunderstruck

What is a tornado? Mother nature doing the twist!

Where do wind gusts go to on dates? – To Chicago

How did the rainbow know is was lost? – It was a clear day

How do hurricanes see? – With one eye

Why is the sky not happy on clear days? It has the blues

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. " There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared, " the weather report said. " You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets. " Ole said, " Jeez, okay, " and got up from his coffee. The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, " There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets. " Again Ole replied, " Jeez, okay, " and got up from his coffee. Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, " There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the…" and the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions. He turned to Lena, " Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena? " Lena replied, " Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the damned garage today. "

What do clouds want to be when they grow up? – Thunderstorms

Why does frost not like to lay out in the sun? – It burns too easily

What are hurricanes with a central dense overcast over the eye called? – Hurricanes with cataracts

Which weather features do druggies like most? Highs

How did you find the weather at camp? It was easy. I just went outside – and there it was!

" Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs, " said Fred looking out of the kitchen window. " I know, " said his mother. " I've just stepped in a poodle! "

In the summer desert heat, what did a dust devil say to the over- talkative dust devil? – You are really blowing a lot of hot air

Why don't tornadoes watch Bill O'Reilly on FOXNEWS? – It is a no spin zone

Why did the updraft get pulled over? – It was speeding in a high shear zone

What do freezing rain and cake icing have in common? Both are a glaze

A city boy was on his first camping trip. He was eating his lunch under a tree when an old- timer came along. 'It smells like rain, 'he said to the boy. The city boy replied, 'They said it was lemonade. '

Fred: I'm sure I'm right. Betty: You're as right as rain – all wet!

A weather intern walks into a bar and asks for a Cold Draft. Suddenly the bar door swings open and gusty cool air fills up the bar. After drinking his Draft things seem to get back to normal. The guy then orders a Thunderclap on ice. Suddenly the roof gets pelted with hail stones and an intense lightning flash and thunderous explosion rock the bar. After drinking his Thunderclap things seem to once again get back to normal. Feeling rather good at this point he asks for a third drink- ordering a Tornado on the rocks. This time the bar is not only pelted with even larger hail stones but ferocious winds rip the door off its hinges, shake the bar violently and break every window. Feeling extra good and cocky at this point he then orders an extra large and extra strong Hurricane. The bartender after this request looks up at the guy perplexed and says, " Sorry fella, we have no Hurricanes in Kansas".

A tornado walks into a bar and orders a Hurricane. The bartender asks why he is ordering a Hurricane when he is a tornado. The tornado responds with, " I am a hurricane induced tornado".

What do lightning bolts do when they laugh? – They crack up

Why were the vets and pounds mad? It was raining cats and dogs

A man was driving a black truck. His lights were not on. The moon was not out. A lady was crossing the street. How did the man see her? It was a bright, sunny day.

There was a communist named Rudolph. One day he looked out the window and said, " It looks like a storm is coming. " " No it isn't, " said his wife. " Besides, how would you know? " " Because, " he responded, " Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear. "

Why did the tornado get arrested? – For speeding, theft, vandalism, assault and murder