The bachelor's diet

Bachelor's DietMONDAY: BREAKFAST – Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth LUNCH – Send your secretary out for six " gutbombers" those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox. AFTERNOON SNACK – Drink the maaloxDINNER – Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three- piece dinner, don't eat the coleslaw. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – TUESDAY: BREAKFAST – Eat the coleslawLUNCH – Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea. DINNER – Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – WEDNESDAY: BREAKFAST – Jaws couldn't eat breakfast after a night at El Flasho's LUNCH – Rolaids and a cokeDINNER – Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – THURSDAY: BREAKFAST – Order out for pizzaLUNCH – Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers. DINNER – Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask the bartender for olives. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – FRIDAY: BREAKFAST – Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's better for you. LUNCH – Skip lunch, Fridays are murder DINNER – Steak, well- done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – SATURDAY: BREAKFAST – Sleep through it. LUNCH – DittoDINNER – Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Dont eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – SUNDAY: BREAKFAST – Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie. LUNCH – Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Dont eat Lunch. DINNER – Chicken noodle soup – Call your mom and ask her about renting your old room.