Elephant jokes

Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkly? Because if they were small round and white, they would be aspirins.

Why don't elephants like martinis? Have you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose?

Why do elephants live in the jungle? Because it's out of the high rent district.

Why do elephants squirt water through their noses? If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.

Why do elephants jump across rivers? So they won't step on the fish.

Why did the elephant eat the candle? He wanted a light snack!

Q: What happened when the elephant sat on the car? A: Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!

Two elephants jumped off a cliff……. BOOM BOOM!

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants'star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants'goal when the Elephants'left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game. " What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player? " The elephant replied, " Well, I didn't mean to kill him – – I was just trying to trip him up. "

An elephant was walking in a park. With each step he took, he squished many little ants. Upset, the ants began to crawl up on the elephant – – first his legs and then up all over his body. When the elephant started feeling all the little ants on him, he shook hard, making all the little ants, except for one, fall to the ground. As the only ant on the elephant hung on close to the elephant's neck, the ones on the ground began to yell, " Strangle him!!! Strangle him!!! "

What's grey and wrinkly and jumps every twenty seconds? An elephant with hiccups!

What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 3, 000 miles!

Why did the elephant eat the candle? For light refreshment!

What do you call an elephant creeping through the jungle in the middle of the night? Russell!

What is a baby elephant after he is five weeks old? Six weeks old!

How does an elephant go up a tree? It stands on an acorn and waits for it to grow.

How does an elephant get down from a tree? He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn!

What goes up slowly and comes down quickly? An elephant in a lift!

What's the difference between an elephant and a gooseberry? A gooseberry is green!

When should you feed milk to a baby elephant? When it's a baby elephant!

What do you call an elephant with a rabbit up it's sweater? Warren!

What did the elephant say when the man grabbed him by the tail? This is the end of me!

What do you get if you cross an elephant with the abominable snowman? A jumbo yeti.

Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours? Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box!

What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet? An elephant with spare parts! el

What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep? Trunkquilizers!

How do you know that peanuts are fattening? Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?

What do you call the rabbit up the elephant's sweater? Terrified!

What to you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant? An animal that tells you everything that it remembers!

Why did the gum cross the road? Because it was under the elephants foot.

Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool? Because they couldn't hold their trunks up!

What's as big as an elephant but weighs nothing? An elephant's shadow!

A boy with an elephant on his head went to see a doctor. The doctor said, " You know you really need help" " Yes I do", said the elephant, " get this kid off my foot! "

What do you call an elephant that can't do sums? Dumbo!

How to elephants talk to each other? By 'elephone!