Q. How can you tell when a Chicago Fireman is dead? A. The remote control slips from his hand.
A firefighter died and went to hell where he finds a wall of clocks. After seeing all these clocks on a wall, with his friends names under them, he asked the devil, what the clocks mean? " That's easy, each time one of your friends mess up on earth, their clock speeds up one hour. " says the devil. " I don't see the Chiefs clock anywhere? " the fireman says. The devil replied, " Oh him, we have his down in the basement, we're using it for a fan. "
Q. How do you put out a fire? A. Take away the HEAT, FUEL, OXYGEN, or the CHIEF!
The Volunteer Fire Chief in a small town had just been buried. The last words of the service over, his friends and family started toward their cars. However, they stopped because a strange, eerie sound suddenly was heard from the grave. As the guests looked around, a colleague of the deceased said, " Don't worry… it's just the dispatcher toning him out. "
Q. How do you get down from an aerial ladder? A. You don't get down from an aerial ladder. You get down from a duck.
Q. A fireman had two sons. What did he name them? A. Hosea and Hoseb
Q. What kind of ears do pumpers have? A. Engineers.
Q: What word begins with the letter " F" and ends in " UCK"? A: FIRETRUCK.
All of the firefighters at my station are quick. They're even " fast" asleep!
Q: Why don't Deputy Fire Marshals look out the window in the morning? A: So they have something to do in the afternoon.
What usually comes after the monster lights the birthday candles? The fire department.
Three firefighters went out on a hunting trip. There was a rookie, a captain, and a chief. The weather was misrable and they hadn't seen any deer all day. They came across an old shack where they went inside to play a game of poker. After loosing a couple of hands, the rookie threw down his cards and said " that does it! I am going out to get me a deer. " Fifteen minutes later, the rookie came back with a nice four point buck. The captain and chief asked, " how did you get that? " The rookie replied, " I walked out fifty feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck". The captain then said, " I've had enough of this I am going to get my deer. " He came back a half hour later with a 6- point buck. The chief asked, " how did you get that? " The captain replied, " I walked out a hundred feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck. " The chief not wanting to be out done said " I am out of here, I am g oing to bag the biggest buck of the day. " He came back an hour later, all mangled up and bloody. The rookie and captain asked, " what happened to you? " The chief replied, " I walked out there five hundred feet, followed...
Why do firemen wear red suspenders? To keep their pants up.
here were these 3 Riverside City Firemen who always went bird hunting together and they always rented a hunting dog name Rex from a local farmer. Rex was a great dog and would always hold point and find any birds they shoot. One year they did't go hunting and the farmer rented Rex out to some Corona City Firemen who used him that season. The next year the Riverside guys went to rent Rex from the farmer for hunting but the farmer had bad news for them. He told them Rex was no longer any good for hunting and didn't have a replacement for him and to tell the Corona firemen they were not welcome there any more and that if he saw them he would probably shoot them for what they did to Rex. The R. F. D. guys asked the farmer what the Corona boys did that could be so bad. Well the farmer said last year when they rented Rex it all started off fine until one of the Corona guys decided to rename him. We ll whats wrong with that they asked. The farmer said they renamed him CHIEF and now all he does is sit on his ass and bark all the time.
What did the fireman say when the church caught on fire? " Holy smoke! "
Q: Did you know that the three wise men were firemen? A: It says they came from afir (a fire, a far).
What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas? A ladder in her stocking!
A fireman and policeman died and both went to heaven where they were issued their wings with the warning that if they had even one bad thought their wings would fall off. Well, everything went well for some time then one day they passed a very attractive and well put together young lady. As the fireman turned to watch her pass his wings fell off. When he bent over to pick them up the policemans wings fell off.
A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. Though there was doubt that they would be of any assistance, the call was made. The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controllable parts. The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $ 1000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds. " That should be obvious, " he responded, " the first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck. "
A fire chief died and went to heaven. When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates. He told himself, " I'm a fire chief, I'm not going to wait in line. " He went to the angels guarding the gates and said, " Let me in. I'm a fire chief. " The angels replied, " You'll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir. " While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out wearing a white helmet that said " CHIEF". The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven. The waiting fire chief was pissed and went to talk to the angels. He asked, " Why did you let that fire chief go through and not me? " To which the angels replied, " You have it all wrong, sir. That's God, he just thinks he's a Fire Chief. "
Q: What is the first thing off the truck at a trailer fire? A: Lawn chair.
Seems the Shah of Iran was visiting Disneyland with his young son. The son seemed to be having a good time but had that look that something else was on his mind. The Shah asked, " What do you really want, Son? " The Son said, " A Mickey Mouse Outfit. " With that, the Shaw went out and bought him a uniform from the neighboring Fire Department.
Two fellows were sitting in a coffee shop…suddenly the Town's Fire Alarm went off… one jumped up and headed for the door… his friend shouted, " Hey, Tom, I didn't know you were a fireman! " Tom replied, " I'm not, but my girlfriend's husband is…"
If – H 2 O – is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside? K 9 P
A fire broke out in a six story apartment building last week in a near by town. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette escaped the flames by climbing up onto the roof. When the fire department arrived they got out a blanket held it up and the Chief called out to the brunette to jump into the blanket. The brunette jumped. As she was falling 'swoosh'the firefighters pulled the blanket away and she landed on the street like a brick. The firefighters then held the blanket back up and the Chief told the redhead to jump. " No way! I saw what you did to my friend. " exclaimed the redhead. " I am sorry" said the Chief, " My wife was a brunette and she divorced me. I just don't like brunettes. We have no problems with redheads…. jump it's your only chance. " So the redhead jumped. On the way down 'swoosh'the firefighters pulled the blanket away and she hit the pavement like a tomato! " The firefighters a gain held up the blanket and the Chief told the blonde to jump. The fire was getting worse and her only chance of survival was to jump. " No I am not jumping. I saw what you did to my two friends. " " I'm sorry" said the Chief, " I explained what happened to the brunette and when the redhead jumped...
Q. What do you get when you cross a Fire Chief two Lotus Notes Gurus? A. FireWeb…. of course!
During a big fire downtown the firemen were having a bit of trouble. A woman was stuck on the fourth floor with her baby. The fire fighters instructed her to toss the child out the window, under which they had placed a net, but the mother refused. Things looked grim until a tall, well- built black man burst through the crowd and shouted to the women. He said that he was a professional football player and that he could catch the baby safely. After a few minutes more of reassurances by the man, the mother finally let the child drop. The football player made a breathtaking catch, and everybody cheered. At that moment the man suddenly raised the child high in the air, spiked it on the ground and yelled, " TOUCHDOWN!! "
One day a boy was drowning in a near by lake. A firefighter swam out and pulled the boy up onto the beach and began CPR. A crowed watched as the firefighter frantically pumped on the boys chest. With great amazement water was pooring from the boys mouth. Each time the firefighter pumped more water came out. A short time later seaweed started coming out, then minnows, then more water started coming out of the boys mouth. The firefighter feared this would never stop. Just then, a paramedic arrived and quickly ran over to the firefighter and b lurted out. " Hey Chief! You better get that kids ass out of the water before you pump that lake dry".
Q. What does CHAOS stand for? A. The Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene.
There was a huge fire at a big city soda factory. The city company was losing ground and the owner was frantic. He told the fire department that he needed a secret formula in the safe that was in the center of the blaze, and he would give 10, 000 dollars to the department that got the formula. An hour later no ground was gained and a mutual aid call was put out. When 12 departments couldn't subdue the blaze the owner saw this he raised the reward to 100, 000 dollars. Suddenly a small town department drove their truck right into the fire and emerged 10 minutes later with the formula. When asked what they would do with the money one said, " Get them damn brakes fixed we figure. "
When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. " Pull the pin like a hand grenade, " he explained, " then depress the trigger to release the foam. " Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin. The instructor hinted, " Like a hand grenade, remember? " In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin – – and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze.
The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning. " Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire! " " The cups man! Save the cups! " cries George. " Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir. "
After the fire- truck arrived at a burning building in a small Spanish town, the firemen observed a man dressed in a matador's costume prancing around on the roof. Four of the firemen held a safety- net and urged him to escape from the burning building by jumping into the net. He refused and loudly proclaimed, " I'm Fearless Jose the bullfighter who fears nothing, not even fire. " The firemen begged and pleaded but to no avail. Jose kept prancing around while repeating the same phrase over and over until the firemen got really sick and tired of hearing it. Finally, when the flames began to scorch his butt, Jose announced he had changed his mind, was ready to jump and then leaped off the rooftop. As his body hurtled toward the safety- net, the four firemen shouted, " Ole! " and quickly moved it aside.
A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work. When confronted by his boss the man explained: " You can't park anywhere near this place! "
A man calls the fire department and says, " Yes, I have just had my front yard landscaped, I have a nice new flower bed, a new fish pond with a fountain and a new rose garden. " " Very nice, " the firefighter says, " but what does that have to do with the fire service? " " Well, " the man answers, " the house next door is on fire and I don't want you to trample my front yard. "