What do you do with a green monster? Put it in the sun until it ripens!
Girl Monster 1: " I hear you've met the perfect guy. " Girl Monster 2: " Oh yes, he's a bad dream come true! "
If storks bring human babies, what bring monster babies? Cranes.
Monster: Where do fleas go in winter? Werewolf: Search me!
What aftershave do monsters wear? Brute.
What do you call a clever monster? Frank Einstein.
What should you call a polite, friendly, kind, good looking monster? A failure.
What does a monster mom say to her kids at dinnertime? Don't talk with someone in your mouth.
How does a monster begin a fairy tale? " Once upon a slime… "
What do sea monsters have for dinner? Fish and ships.
What is a monster's favourite drink? Demonade.
How did the world's tallest monster become short overnight? Someone stole all his money.
What do you get if a huge hairy monster steps on Batman and Robin? Flatman and Ribbon!
Boy: Did you know you can get fur from a three headed mountain monster? Girl: Really? What kind of fur? Boy: As fur away as possible!
What did Frankenstein's monster say when he was struck by lightning? Thanks, I needed that.
What monster plays the most April Fool's jokes? Prankenstein!
An enormous monster with eight arms and eleven legs walked into a tailors shop. 'Quick! 'shouted the tailor to his assistant. 'Hide the " Free Alterations" sign! '
What do they have for lunch at Monster School? Human beans, boiled legs, pickled bunions and eyes- cream.
What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume? He was convicted of fragrancy.
Frankenstein: Help, I've got a short circuit! Igor: Don't worry, I'll lengthen it.
How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye? Because it comes out in conversation
What happens if a big hairy monster sits in front of you at the movie theater? You miss most of the film.
What would you get if you crossed a monster with a Thanksgiving dessert? Bumpkin pie!
What's big and hairy and goes 'beep beep'? A monster in a traffic jam.
What's the hardest part of making monster soup? Stirring it.
Did you hear about the monster who sent his picture to a lonely hearts club? They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely!
What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine? – A wash and wear wolf
What makes an ideal present for a monster? Five pairs of gloves one for each hand.
First Monster: I'm so thirsty my tongue's hanging out. Second Monster: Oh. I thought that was your necktie!
Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner? He was exceeding the feed limit!
What is a monster's favourite society? The Consumers'Association.
FIRST MONSTER: Am I late for dinner? SECOND MONSTER: Yes, everyone's been eaten.
Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them? In a handbag. mons
Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly? – Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd be M& M's
Did you hear about the monster who lost all his hair in the war? He lost it in a hair raid.