Blind jokes

Q: How did a blind man meet his wife? A: On a blind date!

Have you seen stieve wonders house? – niether did he

Q: Why was a blind man's leg wet? A: Her dog was blind too.

Q: How did a blind man drive his car? A: One hand on the wheel; the other on the road.

Q: What do you call a blind German? A: A Not See (Nazi)

Why are bats blind? Well, your eyesight wouldn't be too good if you hung upside down all day would it?

What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison? One can't see to go, the other can't go to sea.

A blind man was waiting to cross the road when a dog stopped and cocked its leg against him. The blind man felt in his pocket for a sweet, bent down, and offered it to the dog. A passerby remarked what a very kind act that was considering what the dog had done. " Not at all, " said the blind man. " I only wanted to find out which end to kick. "

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, " What are you doing?!! " The blind man replies, " Just looking around. "

A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap. When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind. The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal w as. The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, " You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit! " The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After...

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. " There is a blind man to see you, " she says. " Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in. " The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: " That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?

A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an " away game". They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer. " We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what it's doing by listening for it. They're pretty good at it too. " " Very clever! " remarks the other patron. Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out the window, says, " Hey! Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from the bus? " " Yes, " says the teacher, stung by the way " his" kids are being refered to, " what about it? You got something against blind kids? " " Nothing, ordinarily, " says the guy, still scowling out the window, r " but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the hell out of my best milk cow! "

The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. He turned very quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw it to the ground with a bump that left it breathless. " Aidan, " said the neighbor, " I never knew you were so strong. " " Faith, and if I could have got that fella off the handlebars of the bicycle I'd have thrashed him properly. "

Two blind man at a cinema: " Can you see something? " " No". " Then let's go in front! "

An out- of- towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, " Pull, Nellie, pull! " Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, " Pull, Buster, pull! " Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, " Pull, Coco, pull! " Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, " Pull, Buddy, pull! " And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. " Well… Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try! "

Did you hear about the blind porcupine? He fell in love with a pincushion!

Q. How did a blind woman drive herself crazy? A. Trying to read a stucco wall.

There were those three guys, a priest, a doctor and an engineer, and they were playing golf. But the group before them was extremely slow and at each hole they waited hours. Finally the priest asked around, why was that other group was so slow? He was told that they were very courageous firemen who saved the golf course a couple of years ago from a terrible fire, in which they all lost their sight. As a proof of appreciation they were given the right to play on the course whenever they wanted. They like that a lot, but being blind they are just not too good at hitting the ball, let alone finding it after it's hit. The priest said, " Oh my this is terrible. Tonight I'll say a little prayer for these courageous souls. " The doctor heard that and said " Don't worry. I'll send them to a friend of mine, he's an ophtalmologist and he works wonders. " The engineer said " Wait. Why can't they just play at ni ght? "

Q. How did a blind girl burn her fingers? A. Reading the waffle iron

Q: How did a blind woman pierce her ear? A: Answering the stapler.

Q: How did a blind man get poke marks on his face? A: Learning to eat with a fork.

Where do blind sparrows go for treatment? The Birds Eye counter!

Q: What did a blind boy's parent's do to punish him? A: Rearranged the furniture

A blind rabbit and a blind snake ran into each other on the road one day. The snake reached out, touched the rabbit and said, " You're soft and fuzzy and have floppy ears. You must be a rabbit. " The rabbit reached out, touched the snake and said, " You're slimy, beady- eyed and low to the ground. You must be a math teacher. "

One day two blind men started fighting. Pretty soon a crowd surrounded them. Then one of the members of the crowd yelled out " I bet 10 bucks on the one with the knife. " Both men ran away.

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, " Wow, these seats are big! " The person next to him answered, " Everything is big in Texas. " When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, " Wow these mugs are big! " The bartender replied, " Everything is big in Texas. " After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, " Second door to the right. " The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, " Don't flush, don't flush! "