Q: What's delaying the Polish space program? A: Development of a working match.
where does saddam hussein keep his c. d collection? In Iraq (a rack)
Q: Why don't Polish people kill frogs? A: Because it's their national bird.
Q: Where does an Irish person go on a vacation? A: A new bar
They say that it's tough to learn Bosnian because it has seven verb tenses: six past, one present, and no future.
Q: What happens when a Polak doesn't pay his garbage bill? A: They stop delivering.
Q: Why doesn't Saddam go out drinking? A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home?
Q: Why did the Canadian cross the road? A: He saw some American do it on TV.
An insect falls into a mug of beer. English Man: Throws his mug of bear on the floor and walks out. American Man: Takes out the insect and drinks tbe beer. Chinese Man: Eats the insect and throws the beer. Indian Man: Sells the insect to the Chinese and the beer to the Englishman and buys himself a new mug of beer. Pakistani Man: Accuses the Indian of throwing the insect into his mug, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for military aid and takes a loan to buy another mug of beer.
Two Bedouins were in the middle of a desert. When one gets something blown into his eye. His companion takes a look at his eye for him and says, " Hold still Abdul, it might be sand. "
Q: What happened to the Polish National Library? A: Someone stole the book.
Q: What should Iraq get for its air defense system? A: A refund.
Q: What's the capital of Afghanistan? A: KABOOM!!
Q: Where is the world's fastest chicken from? A: Ethiopia!
What's the most famous coffee in Afghanistan? Osama bin Latte
Q: You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there? A: He's the one with a duck.
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The nurse brings them over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, definitely Caucasian white baby boy! " Congratulations, " says the nurse to the new parents. " What will you name the baby"? The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, " Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him Sum Ting Wong!
Q: How many Osamas does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None. They don't have lightbulbs in caves
One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him what he wanted him to do. After God had briefed him on his mission, the minister decided to ask him a question. " God, " he said, " What is heaven like? " God replied, " Well, normally I don't tell people this, but since you are my servant, I guess I can tell you. Heaven will be like a city. It will have the best of everything. For example, the French will be the chefs; the Italians will be the lovers; the English will be the policeman; the Germans will be the mechanics; and the Dutch will be the politicians! " The man looked pleased. " What is hell like? " he asked. " Well, " he said with a sigh, " the French will be the mechanics; the Italians will be the politicians; the English will be the chefs; the Germans will be the policemen; and the Dutch will be the lovers. "
How do you stop a taliban tank? Shoot the Guy Pushing it
Q: Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children? A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.
Once upon a time Nasa decided to send 3 astronauts to space for 2 years. One was American, One was Russian and the other was English. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage each. The American decided to take along his wife, the Englishman decided to take along books to learn how to speak German whilst the Russian decided to take along cigarettes. Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home. First came the American and his wife and each of them had a baby in their arms. Next came the Englishman speaking fluent German. They both gave their speeches and got a rousing round of applause. Suddenly, out came the Russian with a cigarette in his mouth. He walked up to the podium, snarled at the crowd, and asked " Has anyone got a friggin'match? "
A Texan, a Russian, and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. ''Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage due to the mad cow disease, ''says the waiter. The Texan says, ''What's a shortage? ''The Russian says, ''What's a steak? ''The New Yorker says, ''What's excuse me? ''
Q: What would you call an Arab who owns a harem of cows? A: A milk sheik!
At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, " Will we have to fight a World War Three? " " Yes, comrades, looks like you will, " answers the general. " And who will be our enemy, Comrade General? " another officer asks. " The likelihood is that it will be China. " The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, " But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1. 5 billion. How can we possibly win? " " Well, " replies the general, " Think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every time. " " But sir, " asks the panicky officer, " Do we have enough jews"?
What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.
Q: How do you get a Polak out of the bath tub? A: Throw in a bar of soap.
These two Scottish characters are chatting. One of them then pulls out an expensive looking pocket watch from his pocket to check the time. " That's a fine watch you got there! " says the other. " Yeah it is, isn't it? I got it from my grandfather, " says the guy with the watch. " Really? " " Yeah, he sold it to me on his death bed. "
A boy from France comes to America. He wants to learn some new words so he goes to the airport and learns " take off. " Then he learnes " zebra" from the zoo and " baby" from the hospital. Then he goes home and says, ''Mommy, I learned new words today. ''She says, " Great, honey what did you learn? " He says, ''Takeoffzebrababy! ''
The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including the three women. Their husbands are summoned to the local police station where a policewoman breaks the news to them: " I'm afraid sirs, that we believe your wives were killed in the fire at the department store. However the fire was so intense we cannot identify the bodies. Only their handbags survived the blaze. Can you identify your wives'handbags from these three found in the store? " The three men all look at the handbags and each one is able to identify one of the handbags as belonging to his wife. With all handbags accounted for the policewoman leaves the men to deal with their grief in peace. The three men sit in silence for a while, then the Englishman opens his wife's handbag and rummages through the conte nts, finally pulling out a half- empty packet of cigarettes and says " All these years married and I never knew the old girl smoked. " The Scotsman looks into his wife's handbag and pulls out a half- empty bottle of scotch. " Jings, I knew her all that time an ah didnae ken ma missus drank. " The Irishman empties his wife's handbag onto the floor, looks through the contents and picks up...
Q: Why do Polish names end in " ski"? A: Because they can't spell tobbagan.
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says " Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now. " The mexican man pleads with them, " No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze! " The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says " Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence". The Mexican man of course agrees. The Border Patrol Agent tells him, " The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence. " The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, " Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow? "
Q: How many polaks does it take to kidnap a child? A: 12. One to kidnap the child and the remaining 11 to write a ransom letter.
Q: How do you sink a Polish ship? A: Put it in water.
Canada, in view of recent events, will be changing the maple leaf on the flag to a marijuana plant. That way, the people of Quebec will have good reason to burn the flag.