Restaurant jokes

What does a Chinese restaurant serve for Easter? Coloured eggrolls!

An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China where the specialty was duck. The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table. " This is the breast of the duck; this the leg of the duck; this is the wing of the duck; etc. " Then came the dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited for the explanation. Silence. " Well? " he finally asked, " What's this? " The waiter replied, " It's a friend of duck. "

Hello? Fred's Restaurant. Hello! I'd like to know, do you serve crabs? We serve anyone, sir! Come on in!

Once a man went to a resturant and ordered an egg. When it was brought he didn't liked it so he informed the waiter that the egg was bad. Came the reply: " I don't lay egg sir I just lay table! "

How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a light bulb? " Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've just cashed up. "

At which fast food restaurant is a hamburger happiest? Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips!

How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.

Waiter, what is this bug doing on my wives shoulder! I don't know – friendly thing isn't he!

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait. " Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir? ", he says. The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, " What'll it be? " The man replies, " Give me a Stoli with a twist. " The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says, " Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs… "

Two little boys were visiting their grandfather and he took them to a restaurant for lunch. They couldn't make up their minds about what they wanted to eat. Finally the grandfather grinned at the server and said, " Just bring them bread and water. " One of the little boys looked up and quavered, " Can I have ketchup on it? "

Why was the restaurant called " Out of this World"? Because it was full of Unidentified Frying Objects.

A out- of- towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, " You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here. " " You'll have to wait your turn, sir, " replied the harried and now irritated waiter, " I can only serve one table at a time. "

Jane's father decided to take all the family out to a restaurant for a meal. As he'd spent quite a lot of money for the meal he said to the waiter, " Could I have a bag to take the leftovers home for the dog? " " Gosh! " exclaimed Jane, " Are we getting a dog? "

" What's the matter with your dinner? " " Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor later what I've eaten! "

Customer to friend: This is a wonderful restaurant. I ordered salad and I got the freshest salad in the world, I ordered coffee, and I got the freshest coffee in the world. Friend: I know – I ordered a small steak and got a calf.

Is your food spicy Sir? No, smoke always comes out of my ears!

At our local restaurant you can eat dirt cheap – but who wants to eat dirt?

Young woman sat down in small restaurant, a waitress came over to take her order. " I'll have a hamburger please. " " Burger! " she yelled over her shoulder. Then woman added. " Make that well done. " Waitres turned away again. " Torture it! " she yelled.

" Can I have some two- handed cheese, please? " a man in a restaurant asked the waiter. " What do you mean, 'two- handed cheese'? 'asked the waiter. " You know, the kind you eat with one hand and hold your nose with the other. "

The headwaiter of an elegant restaurant recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn jeans and a leather jacket approached him. " Hey, man, " he said, " where's the toilet? " " Go down the hall and turn left, " replied the headwaiter. " When you see the sign marked 'Gentlemen; pay no attention to it and go right on in. "

Patron 1: I eat at a different restaurant every day. Patron 2: I don't tip, either.

There was an awful fight at the seafood restaurant. Four fish got battered!

Eulus stood in front of the take- out window of a Rawl- ins fast food restaurant. " I want two hamburgers, " he said. " One with onions, and one without. " The counter man: " Okay. Which one's without the onions? "

Waiter, waiter, does the pianist play requests? Yes, sir. Then ask him to play tiddlywinks until I've finished my meal.

I went to a restaurant that serves – breakfast at any time. – So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Q: What did one plate say to the other plate? A: ('Lunch is on me! ')

Have you ever seen a man- eating tiger? No, but in the restaurant next door I once saw a man eating chicken!

A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one night. The waiter tells them the night's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. " The chicken sounds good; I'll have that, " the woman says. The waiter nods. " And the vegetable? " he asks. " Oh, he'll have the fish, " she replies.

Girl: How much is a soft drink? Waitress: Fifty cents. Girl: How much is refill? Waitress: The first is free. Girl: Well then, I'll have a refill.

Sign at restaurant reads: Eat here diet home

Two men were in a restaurant and ordered fish. The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. One of the men said to the other, " Please help yourself. " The other one said " Okay", and helped himself to the larger fish. After a tense silence, the first one said, " really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish! " The other one replied, " What are you complaining for; you have it, don't you? "

" What flavors of ice cream do you have? " inquired the customer. " Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate, " answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper. Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, " Do you have laryngitis? " " No…. " replied the new waitress with some effort, " just…erm…. vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate. "

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, " Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich! " The panda yells back at the manager, " Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up! " The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: " A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves. "

Three couples are dining together. The American husband says to his wife: " Pass me the honey, Honey". The English husband says to his wife: " Pass me the sugar, Sugar". The [you name it] husband says to his wife: " Pass me the steak, Dumb cow".