Fishing jokes

Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon a mermaid, the mermaid offered them one wish each so the first fisherman said: " double my I. Q" so the mermaid did it and to his surprise he started reciting shakespeare. Then the second fisherman said: " triple my I. Q. " and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started doing math problems he didn't know existed. The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his I. Q and the mermaid said " Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life! " the fisherman said " yes" so the mermaid turned him into a woman

Fishing rule # 1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish. Fishing rule # 2: The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you. Fishing rule # 3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful.

Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment – the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune! The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, " Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks? " The other guy says, " Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more! "

How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing? Four. One to cut the hole in the ice, and three to push the boat through.

What TV game show do fish like best? Name that tuna!

Why are fish cleverer than humans? Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?

What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment? A flat fish!

What do dirty fish read? Prawno Magazines!

A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz..

Q. What is the difference between a fish and a piano? A. You can't tuna fish.

Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super. At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience. Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, " This is the place! ". The other replied, " No, it's not! ". The first man said, " Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side. To which the other man replied, " Silly, you can't tell a brook by it's clover. "

Lee: I just swallowed a fish bone! Counselor: Are you choking? Lee: No, I'm serious!

What part of a fish weighs the most? It's scales!

What did the fish do when his piano sounded odd? He called the piano tuna!

What's the best way to catch a fish? Have someone throw it at you.

Why men like to fishing so much? They finally found something as smart as them to talk to.

A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game warden. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell and hot on his heels came the game warden. After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the game warden finally caught up to him. " Let's see yer fishin license, boy! " the warden gasped. With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a valid fishing license. " Well, son, " said the Game Warden. " You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license! " " Yes sir, " replied the young feller. " But my friend back there, well, he don't have one…"

How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate before his wife throws him out? I don't know the answer but I think I'm nearly there.

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, " How does this boat float? The father replied, " Don't rightly know son. " A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, " How do fish breath underwater? " Once again the father replied, " Don't rightly know son. " A little later the boy asked his father, " Why is the sky blue? " Again, the father repied. " Don't rightly know son. " Finally, the boy asked his father, " Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions? " The father replied, " Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'. "

George went fishing, but at the end of the day he had not caught one fish. On the way back to camp, he stopped at a fish store. 'I want to buy three trout, 'he said to the owner. 'But instead of putting them in a bag, throw them to me. ''Why should I do that? 'the owner asked. 'So I can tell everyone that I caught three fish! '

What do you call a literary fish? Salmon Rushdie!

Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear? Because they have electric 'eels!

How did the fish's tail get stuck in the anchor chain? It was just a fluke!

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing. An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth…

Heard the one about the three blondes that went ice fishing and didn't catch anything? By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was time to go home.

Q. Where do fish sleep? A. In a river bed

Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly, " I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War… Could you help me? " " Of course, " the angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years. The second guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving. He asked if the angel could do anything about his poor eyesight. The angel smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly. When the angel turned to the third guy, the guy put his hands out defensively – – " Don't touch me! " he cried, " I'm on a disability pension. "

Have you seen the new fishing website? No, it's not online yet.

What fish do road- menders use? Pneumatic krill!

What was the name of Tom Sawyer's fish? Huckleberry Fin!

Why are fish no good at tennis? They don't like to get too close to the net!

One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, " There are no fish down there. " He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, " There's no fish down there. " He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, " There's no fish down there. " He looked up into the sky and asked, " God, is that you? " " No, you idiot, " the voice said, " it's the rink manager. "

What do you call a deaf fishing boat captain? Anything you like, he can't hear you.

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. " You aren't going to catch many fish that way, " said the businessman to the fisherman, " you should be working rather than lying on the beach! " The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, " And what will my reward be? " " Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish! " was the businessman's answer. " And then what will my reward be? " asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, " You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish! " " And then what will my reward be? " asked the fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. " You can buy a bigger boat, and...

What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student? One baits his hook, the other hates his book.