A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game warden. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell and hot on his heels came the game warden. After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the game warden finally caught up to him. " Let's see yer fishin license, boy! " the warden gasped. With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a valid fishing license. " Well, son, " said the Game Warden. " You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license! " " Yes sir, " replied the young feller. " But my friend back there, well, he don't have one…"
How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate before his wife throws him out? I don't know the answer but I think I'm nearly there.
A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, " How does this boat float? The father replied, " Don't rightly know son. " A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, " How do fish breath underwater? " Once again the father replied, " Don't rightly know son. " A little later the boy asked his father, " Why is the sky blue? " Again, the father repied. " Don't rightly know son. " Finally, the boy asked his father, " Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions? " The father replied, " Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'. "
George went fishing, but at the end of the day he had not caught one fish. On the way back to camp, he stopped at a fish store. 'I want to buy three trout, 'he said to the owner. 'But instead of putting them in a bag, throw them to me. ''Why should I do that? 'the owner asked. 'So I can tell everyone that I caught three fish! '
What do you call a literary fish? Salmon Rushdie!
Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear? Because they have electric 'eels!
How did the fish's tail get stuck in the anchor chain? It was just a fluke!
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing. An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth…
Heard the one about the three blondes that went ice fishing and didn't catch anything? By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was time to go home.
Q. Where do fish sleep? A. In a river bed
Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly, " I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War… Could you help me? " " Of course, " the angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years. The second guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving. He asked if the angel could do anything about his poor eyesight. The angel smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly. When the angel turned to the third guy, the guy put his hands out defensively – – " Don't touch me! " he cried, " I'm on a disability pension. "
Have you seen the new fishing website? No, it's not online yet.
What fish do road- menders use? Pneumatic krill!
What was the name of Tom Sawyer's fish? Huckleberry Fin!
Why are fish no good at tennis? They don't like to get too close to the net!
One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, " There are no fish down there. " He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, " There's no fish down there. " He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, " There's no fish down there. " He looked up into the sky and asked, " God, is that you? " " No, you idiot, " the voice said, " it's the rink manager. "
What do you call a deaf fishing boat captain? Anything you like, he can't hear you.
One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. " You aren't going to catch many fish that way, " said the businessman to the fisherman, " you should be working rather than lying on the beach! " The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, " And what will my reward be? " " Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish! " was the businessman's answer. " And then what will my reward be? " asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, " You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish! " " And then what will my reward be? " asked the fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. " You can buy a bigger boat, and...
What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student? One baits his hook, the other hates his book.
What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings? A fish tank!
Why are gold fish orange? The water makes them rusty!
What do you call a man with a large flatfish on his head? Ray!
Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
I was glad when one fish got away. There just wasn't room in the boat for both of us!
MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O'Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on afternoon, his cousin walked by. " What are ye doing? " asked O'Bannon. " Fishin', " said MacAndrews. " Caught anything? " " Ach, nae a bite, " " What are ye usin'fer bait? " " Worms" " Let me see it, " said O'Bannon. MacAndrews lifted the line from the water and handed it to his cousin. O'Bannon took out his flask of potcheen and dipped the worm in it. He handed it back to MacAndrews, who cast his line once more. As soon as the worm hit the water, his rod bent over double, the line screaming out. " Have ye got a bite? " asked O'Bannon. " No! " shouted MacAndrews, fighting with the rod, " The worm's got a salmon by the throat! "
What sort of net is useless for catching fish? A football net!
Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea? Jack the kipper!
What will santa bring your fish this christmas? A scale letrix!
How do you post a fish? You send it COD… or first bass mail
There was a salmon fisherman who was out in the ocean fishing when his boat sank. He was lucky enough to make to a deserted island where he had to survive on what he could find. When the Coastguard eventually found him, the leader noticed there was a fire pit with California Condor feathers all around. He went over to the fisherman and said, " You know, it's illegal to kill a California Condor, I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you. " The fisherman protested for some time saying that he killed it because he was going to starve but eventually he calmed down. " Out of curiosity" the coastguard asked, " What did it taste like? " The fisherman replied, " Well, it was kind of a mix between a snowy owl and a bald eagle. "
Q: What you get when four men go fishing and one comes back not catching anything. A: Three Men And A Baby
How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? One, but you should have seen the bulb, it must have been THIS big.
What did Noah do while spending time on the ark? Fished, but he didn't catch much. He only had two worms!
What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend? 'Your plaice or mine'!
What was the Tsar of Russia's favorite fish? Tsardines!