Cannibal jokes

First cannibal: Come and have dinner in our but tonight. Second cannibal: What are you having? First cannibal: Hard- boiled legs.

First Cannibal: " Have you seen the dentist? " Second Cannibal: " Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time. "

Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a balanced meal.

Why was the cannibal fined by the judge? He was caught poaching.

Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects.

A man is captured by cannibals, every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, " Hey, you can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks! "

Why don't cannibals like to eat Carl Lewis? He gives them runs!

What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? It repeated on him.

Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide? He got himself into a real stew.

Cannibal: Mom, mom, I've been eating a missionary and I feel sick! Mom: Well, you know what they say – you can't keep a good man down!

Why won't cannibals eat Frank Sinatra? Because he's always coming back!

How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf? He became a vegetarian.

Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, " To hell with your canoes! "

Was the principal's brother really a missionary? He certainly was. He gave the people of the Cannibal Islands their first taste of Christianity!

What do sick cannibals have for breakfast? Vitamin bills!

What is a cannibal's favorite food? Baked Beings.

A cannibal son and his father are out looking for food. They are watching people walk down the street. The son suggested a particularly plump woman and the father rejected saying that she's too fatty. Later on the son asked about a very skinny woman. Again the father refused saying that she's to skinny. After a while the son pointed out a very attractive woman. " sure son" the father replied, drooling. " We'll take her home and eat you mother! "

When a plane caught fire over the jungle the pilot ejected and landed in a cannibal's pot. The cannibal turned to his friend and said, 'What's this flier doing in my soup? '

Why would the cannibal only eat babies? He was on a diet!

Why did the cannibal live on his own? He was fed up with other people.

Q. What did the cannibal's wife give her husband when he came home late for dinner? A. The cold shoulder.

1st Cannibal: I don't know what to make of my boyfriend these days. 2nd Cannibal: How about a hotpot?

What happened when the cannibal got a religion? He only ate Catholics on Fridays!

Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? He said, " So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses. "

First cannibal: We had burglars last night. Second cannibal: Did they taste good?

What did the cannibal's parents say when she brought her boyfriend home? 'Lovely, dear, he looks good enough to eat! '

Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!

Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads? Because they're headcases.

First cannibal: I don't know what to make of my husband these days. Second cannibal: How about a curry?

Two cannibals were having lunch. 'Your girlfriend makes a great soup, 'said one to the other. 'Yes! 'agreed the first. 'But, U'm going to miss her terribly. '

What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!

What happened when a cannibal went on a self- catering holiday? He ate himself.

The cannibal king was having dinner when a servant came running in. " Your Majesty, " he said, " the slaves are revolting! " " You don't have to tell me, " said the king. " I'm trying to eat them. " Where did we get these slaves anyway? " " From the country next door, " replied the servant. " We must get a new butcher, " said the king. " Bring me Delia Smith. " " We can't, Your Majesty, she's still cooking for you. " " Well, bring her to me once she's crispy enough, " said the king.

Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other, 'I don't like your friend. 'The other one replied, 'Well put her to one side and just eat the greens. '

Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? He said ''So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses!