Idiot and fool jokes

There were two guys working for…

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole – – he would dig, dig, dig. The other would come behind him and fill the hole – – fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again. A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them. He said to the hole digger, " I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again! " The hole digger replied, " Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today. "

An idiot decided to start a…

An idiot decided to start a chicken farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month later, he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealers for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. " But I think I know where I'm going wrong, " said the idiot. " I think I am planting them too deep. "

Two newfies walked into a pet…

Two newfies walked into a pet store. The first says " I want four budgies. " Salesman- certainly sir, would you like two male and two female or all male or all female? Newfie- I don't care. I just want 4 budgies! Salesman- certainly sir, what color would you like? We have yellow, blue, gr… Newfie – I don't care what color they are, just put four budgies in a box for me. Is that too hard? Salesman – O. K. O. K. The two newfies pay for the budgies and leave. They drive out to this high cliff in Newfoundland and the first newfie reaches in the box and pulls out two of the birds, grasps them firmly and jumps off the cliff while flapping his arms. Of course he SPLATS at the bottom. The second newfie looks down at his friend's twisted remains and says " What a shame. this budgie jumping isn't all it's cracked up to be! "

Young Bradley arrived at his date's…

Young Bradley arrived at his date's house wearing a shirt that had water dripping from it. " What're you doin'? " asked his girlfriend. " How come your shirt is soakin'wet? " " Well, " said Bradley, " it said on the label: WASH AND WEAR. "

Titus was on a Knoxville elevator…

Titus was on a Knoxville elevator with several other people. As the elevator moved up, he stared at the small fan revolving slowly in the elevator ceiling. " It's amazing, " he said to the other people, " that such a small fan could lift all these people! "

During a break on a North…

During a break on a North Dakota office building project, one of the construction workers approached Pyle. " Ah heard the boys is gonna strike, " he said. " What fer? " asked Pyle. " Shorter hours. " " Good fer them! " said the redneck. " Ah always did think sixty minutes was too long fer an hour! "

Calvin went to Pearson's Pet Shop…

Calvin went to Pearson's Pet Shop to complain that his canary wouldn't sing. " File the beak just a little, " said the owner, " and the bird will sing. But if you file it too much, the canary will die. " Two weeks later Pearson ran into Calvin on the street and asked about his canary. " He died, " said Calvin. " But I told you not to file the beak too much. " " I didn't, " explained Calvin, " but by the time I got him out of the vise, he was already dead. "

Police in Oakland, California spent two…

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up.

Guidry called in Plotke, the painter,…

Guidry called in Plotke, the painter, for an estimate to paint his house. " How much you gonna charge me? " asked Guidry. " Twenty dollars an hour, " replied Plotke. " Good Lord! " exclaimed the home owner. " I wouldn't pay Michelangelo that price! " " I tell you one thing, mister, " said the painter. " If that guy you mentioned is doin'the job for less, he ain't no member of our union! "

I live in a semi-rural area….

I live in a semi- rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

Delmer: How'd you like the play…

Delmer: How'd you like the play last night over at the high school? Parley: I only seed the first act, but not the second. Delmer: Why didn't you stay? Parley: I couldn't wait that long. It said on the program, 'Two Years Later. '