Christmas Jokes

Once upon a time there was a little girl…

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn't buy a kitten and parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl. 'You're getting your Christmas present a week early this year, 'her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. 'Is that what you want? 'The little girl said, 'It's wonderful, mother…just what I wanted. There's just one thing wrong! ''What's that? 'her mother asked. 'Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw – but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws! 'Her mother smiled. 'Don't worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning you'll find the claws are there. 'Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worrie d about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days passed and there wasn't even a hint, a clue or an inkling of claws in the middle of its paws. When Christmas Eve arrived and there was still no sign, Kitty went to her mother and asked again, 'Are you absolutely sure that the kitten will have its middle claws tomorrow? There's only a few hours to go and there's not a hint or...

It was Christmas eve, and Santa…

It was Christmas eve, and Santa was really busy making his list and checking it twice, when there came a knock at the door. His wife comes in. " Honey, where do you want me to put your boots and gloves? " Well, Santa is very busy and so he's slightly annoyed by this trivial question, so he snaps at her, " Put them by the front door, and stop bothering me. I'm trying to get some work done. " He starts back to work, but a few minutes later an elf barges in. " Santa, we got all the toys wrapped, what should we do with them? " Santa snaps, " Stick 'em in the sleigh! Can't you see I'm trying to get ready? I don't want any more interruptions! " But sure enough, as soon as he starts back to work, there is another interruption. An angel, standing at the door, says, " Santa, I have your Christmas tree. Where would you like me to put it? " And this is where we get the tradition of placing an ange l on top of the Christmas tree.

I remember when Father Christmas first…

I remember when Father Christmas first passed his sleigh- driving test. He came skidding down in front of the toy factory. 'Have you passed? 'I asked. Father Christmas pointly proudly to the front of the sleigh. 'See for yourself! 'he called proudly. 'No- el plates! '