Beauty jokes

A little boy came running into…

A little boy came running into the kitchen. 'Dad, dad'he said, 'there's a monster at the door with a really ugly face''Tell him you've already got one, 'said his father!

First Witch: I went to the…

First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch: Oh, what did you have done? First witch: Nothing, I was just going in for an estimate.

A woman went to a sweet…

A woman went to a sweet store to buy some sweets. The boy behind the counter said " Gosh, your ugly aren't you?, I've never seen anyone so hideous as you before" " Young man" she replied. " I didn't come here to be insulted" " Really", he said, " Where do you usually go? "

Monster: I'm so ugly. Ghost: It's…

Monster: I'm so ugly. Ghost: It's not that bad! Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born they passed out cigars. When my father was born they just passed out cigarettes. When I was born they simply passed out.

Little Johnny and his mother were…

Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mother's ear. 'Johnny, how many times have I told you, 'said his mother, 'it's rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out loud. ''OK, said Johnny, 'why does the lady over there look like an ugly, haggard old witch? '

A witch went into a beauty…

A witch went into a beauty parlor and asked the assistant how much it would cost to make her look like a film star. " Nothing, " replied the assistant. " Nothing? " she asked, " but how can I look like a film star? " " Haven't you seen a film called The Creature from the Black Lagoon? " replied the assistant.

A monster went to the doctor…

A monster went to the doctor with a branch growing out of his head. " Hmmm, " said the doctor. " I've no idea what it is. " The next week the branch was covered in leaves and blossom. " I'm stumped, " said the doctor, " but you can try taking these pills. " When the monster came back a month later the branch had grown into a tree, and just a few weeks later he developed a small pond, surrounded by trees and bushes, all of them on top of his head. " Ah! " said the doctor, " I know what it is. You've got a beauty spot. "

Julie had broken off her engagement….

Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened. 'I thought it was love at first sight, 'said Julie. 'It was, but it was the second and third sights that changed my mind.

Two teenage boys were talking in…

Two teenage boys were talking in the classroom. One said, 'I took my girlfriend to see 'The bride of Dracula'last night. ''Oh yeah, 'said the other, 'what was she like? ''Well she was about six foot six, white as a ghost and she had big red staring eyes and fangs. 'The other said, 'Yes, but what was 'The Bride of Dracula'like? '