Q: What does Bill Clinton have in common with former great Presidents? A: Absolutely nothing.
Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Elvis? A: Elvis was drafted and served proudly in the Army.
Q: Why did the IRS recently audit Bill Clinton? A: Because he filed as head of the household.
Q: How is Clinton's health care reform a lot like his haircut? A: It is a lot more expensive than it looks.
President Clinton to maid: Mam, can you do something about Hillary's room. She complains that it's the ugliest room in the White House. Maid: Yes, Mr. President- – I'll remove the mirrors right away.
Q: Why were the Clintonites pushing the BTU Tax? A: Because they could spell it.
Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child? Because dad can't keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.
Q: Why aren't Clinton White House staffers given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: How can you identify a computer that has been in use at the Clinton White House? A: There is White- out on the screen.
Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the House Gingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in a car together in Kansas. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away. They all fall into a daze. When they come to and extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the fabled Land of Oz. They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. The Wizard is known for granting people their wishes. Quayle says, " I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain. " Gingrich responds, " I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart. " Clinton speaks up, " Where's Dorothy? "
Q: What's Clinton doing to make Americans happy? A: If you've paid your tax bill and have enough money left to feed your family- – you're happy.
Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love. They exchanged hellos, and went on their way. As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, " Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today. " She smirked and replied, " No, if I had stayed with him, he would be President of the United States. "
A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians he buries them. The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. " So you buried all the politicians? " asked the police officer. " Were they all dead? " The farmer answered, " Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie. "
Q: How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet? A: They were dating the same girl in high school.
Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school? A: If they sent her to a public school, the secret service would be out- gunned!
Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road? A: To tax the chicken.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Joseph Stalin? A: Some of Stalin's subjects admired him.
Q: What will Bill's favorite retail outlet be after his economic blueprint takes effect? A: Everything's $ 100.
Q: When did Clinton's friends become sure that he had political ambitions? A: When he married outside of his family.
Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying? A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one.
Q: What do Clinton and JFK have in common? A: They haven't had any brains for the last thirty years.
Q: Why can't Bill Clinton file a defamation of character suit against his critics? A: Because Bill Clinton has no character to defame.
One night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. " George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country? " Clinton asked. " Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did, " advised George. The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. " Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country? " Clinton asked. " Cut taxes and reduce the size of government, " advised Tom. Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. " Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country? " Clinton asked. Abe replied, " Go to the theater. "
Q: What was the real purpose of Bill's college visit to Moscow? A: To study economics.
Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is telling a lie by looking at his face? A: If his lips are moving, then he's lying.
Q: What happened when Bill Clinton got a shot of testosterone? A: He turned into Hillary!
Q: If called to testify in a trial how long will it before before Clinton commits perjury? A: When he's sworn in.
Q: How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House? A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
Q: What is Clinton's plan to create thousands of small businesses? A: Take thousands of big businesses and wait four years.
Q: What do Bill Clinton and a fifteen- watt light bulb have in common? A: Neither one is very bright.
Q: Did you hear Chrysler is introducing a new car to commemorate President Clinton's election? A: It's gonna be called the Dodge Drafter!
Clinton goes around telling people we humans are genetically 99. 9% similar. Apparently the 0. 1% is the character gene.
Q: When will there be a woman in the White House? A: When Hillary leaves town.
Q: Why is Bill infuriated with Chelsea's new private school? A: They broke family tradition by making her wear a uniform.
Q: What does Clinton do to lose weight? A: Runs away from the draft.