Clinton jokes

President Clinton to maid: Mam, can…

President Clinton to maid: Mam, can you do something about Hillary's room. She complains that it's the ugliest room in the White House. Maid: Yes, Mr. President- – I'll remove the mirrors right away.

Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of…

Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the House Gingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in a car together in Kansas. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away. They all fall into a daze. When they come to and extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the fabled Land of Oz. They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. The Wizard is known for granting people their wishes. Quayle says, " I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain. " Gingrich responds, " I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart. " Clinton speaks up, " Where's Dorothy? "

Last summer, the President and Mrs….

Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love. They exchanged hellos, and went on their way. As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, " Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today. " She smirked and replied, " No, if I had stayed with him, he would be President of the United States. "

A bus filled with politicians was…

A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians he buries them. The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. " So you buried all the politicians? " asked the police officer. " Were they all dead? " The farmer answered, " Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie. "

One night Bill Clinton was awakened…

One night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. " George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country? " Clinton asked. " Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did, " advised George. The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. " Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country? " Clinton asked. " Cut taxes and reduce the size of government, " advised Tom. Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. " Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country? " Clinton asked. Abe replied, " Go to the theater. "