Birthday jokes

Good news! I've been given a goldfish for my birthday… the bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!

What's the greatest birthday present? Hard to say – but a drum takes a lot of beating.

Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards? The stamps kept falling off the rocks!

Why did the fat monster put a candle on his tummy? He was celebrating his girthday!

Why does the monster act wild and crazy on his birthday? He's trying to age disgracefully!

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. " Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am, " he said politely, " but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread. " " That's right. " " Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake. " " Well, today is his birthday. "

What did the burglar give his wife for her birthday? A stole.

Why did Davy Crockett always wear a coonskin cap? It was a birthday present from his wife!

What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!

Why was the monster standing on his head at the birthday party? He heard they were having upside- down cake!

Fred: Have you noticed that your mother smells a bit funny these days? Harry: No. Why? Fred: Well, your sister told me she was giving her a bottle of toilet water for her birthday.

Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday. Betty: That was a kind thought. But why didn't you? Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.

Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat- alogue!

What is an elf's favourite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!

What does a clam do on his birthday? He shellabrates!

Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday. Harry: That was a kind thought. But why didn't you? Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.

Fred: Do you like the dictionary I bought you for your birthday? Harry: Sure. It's a great present but I just can't find the words to thank you enough.

" I guess I didn't get my birthday wish. " " How do you know? " " You're still here! "

What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow? A birthday pheasant!

Charley wanted to buy Farley a birthday cake, but he couldn't figure out how to get the cake in the typewriter so he could type 'Happy Birthday'

I'd like to say something nice about you as it's your birthday. Why don't you? Because I can't think of a single thing to say!

A man who forgets his wife's birthday is certain to get something to remember her by.

Why did the boy put candles on the toilet? He wanted to have a birthday potty!

" This birthday cake certainly is crunchy. " " Maybe you should spit out the plate! "

Did you hear about the time Eddy's sister tried to make a birthday cake? The candles melted in the oven.

A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter? 'she asked. 'It's my birthday! 'he hollered. 'And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards… 'and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard. 'But that's lovely, 'said the old lady. 'Why are you crying? ''Because I'm lost! '

BoyFriend: Why didn't you give me anything for my birthday? GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you.

What do you give a nine- hundred- pound gorilla for his birthday? I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it!

Man l: " I got my wife a VCP for her birthday" Man 2: " Don't you mean a VCR? " Man 1: " No, a VCP… Very Cheap Present! "

Helen: Mum, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday? Mum: No, dear, what? Helen: A nice teapot. Mum: But I've got a nice teapot. Helen: No you haven't. I've just dropped it.

What did you get for your birthday? Another year!

A St. Louis mother telephoned the capital building over in Jefferson City and asked to speak to the game warden. After being switched from office to office, a voice finally said, " Hello. " " Are you the game warden? " she asked. " Yes. " " Finally Ah've got the right person! " she said. " Could yaw'l gimme some help with my son's birthday party? "

What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday? " Happy Birthday To Gnu! "

What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!

When is your birthday? 17th January. What year? Every year!