Money jokes

What happened when the cat swallowed a coin? There was money in the kitty.

William: May I have some money for the man crying outside? Mum: What crying man? William: The one that's crying, 'Ice cream! Ice Cream! '

If you want to get rich, why should you keep your mouth shut? Because silence is golden.

Why did the hippie put his money in the refrigerator? He liked cold cash.

What did the pay phone say when the quarter got stuck inside it? Money's tight these days!

How can a can you double your money? By folding it in half.

Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. 'You should give that money to charity, 'said the shopkeeper. 'No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity! '

What did the man do when he got a big gas bill? He exploded.

Why do wallets make so much noise? Because money talks.

A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong. " Ohhh, it's my girlfriend. " " What's the problem? " " When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education. "

Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. " I'm not paying, " said the duck. " I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it. " " I've spent my last buck, " said the deer. " Then the duck'll have to pay, " said the skunk. " Getting here cost me my last scent. "

Ted said to his friend, 'can you lend me $ 10? ''But I only have $ 8, 'his friend replied. That's OK, you can always owe me the other $ 2!

Where can you always find money? In the dictionary.

How can you be sure you have counterfeit money? If it's a three- dollar bill, you can be sure.

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, " If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here! " The wife replied, " My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here. "

Dad, would you like to save some money? I certainly would, son. Any suggestions? Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.

If you found a five dollar bill in every pocket of your coat, what would you have? Someone else's coat.

How can you double your money? Look at it in a mirror.

If you take half from a half dollar, what do you have? A dollar.

Q: What do you call counterfeited German currency? A: Question marks.

I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen – why don't you pay with a smile? I'd like to but they insist on money

A little monster was learning to play the violin, 'I'm good, aren't I? 'he asked his big brother. 'You should be on the radio, 'said his brother. 'You think I'm that good? ''No, I think you're terrible, but if you were on the radio, I could switch you off!

What kind of money do monsters use? Weirdo (weird dough).

What lands as often on its tail as it does its head? A penny.

Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $ 10 million in the lottery? He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.

What happened when Dumbo went to a mindrreader? They gave him his money back.

Why did your sister feed money to her cow? Because she wanted to get rich milk.

Why are diapers like $ 10 bills? Because you have to change them.

Which is better, an old ten dollar bill or a new one? An old ten dollar bill is better than a new one.

After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: " Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979. " " You mean a brand- new Cadillac? " she asked eagerly. " No, " said the husband, " a 1979 Cadillac. "

The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.

My sister fell in love at second sight. When she first met him she didn't know how rich he was.

Why is the moon like a dollar? It has four quarters.

How did rich people get their money? They were calm and collected.

Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A: ('He wanted cold hard cash! ')