Money jokes

If you had a million dollars…

If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left? A million dollars minus 75 cents.

A doctor had been attending a…

A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live. Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order. " Oh yes, I've done that, " said the old gentleman. " I've only got to make a will. And do you know what I'm going to do with all my money? I'm going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life. "

One evening, a Counselor saw Max…

One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees. 'What are you doing? 'she asked. 'I'm looking for my dollar bill, 'Max replied. 'I lost it down the road. ''Why don't you look for it there? ''Because the light's better here! '

At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of…

At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, " I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army. "

Martin ended a letter to his…

Martin ended a letter to his dad with this question, 'Is Washington's picture still on the dollar bill? 'His Father wrote back, 'Of course it is. Why do you ask? 'Martin answered, 'Because it's been so long since I've seen one! '

Elmore walked into his favorite truck…

Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner, " Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle? " " Whada ya win? " " A million dollars! " said the redneck. " You get a dollar a year for a million years. " " How much are they each? " " Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar! "

Three boys were walking along the…

Three boys were walking along the beach one day when they see a cave. The first boy goes in and is looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out ''I am the ghost of Auntie Abel and this five dollars stays on the table! ''The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again. The third boy goes in, sees the five dollars and cries out, ''I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket! ''

An English teacher asked her class…

An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. 'Alec! 'yelled the teacher, 'you've done nothing. Why? ''Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do! '