Dirty Jokes

Q: What do you call a truckload of vibrators? A: Toys for Twats.

Q: What do you call kinky sex with chocolate? A: S& M& M.

Q: Define Transvestite: A: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq? A: They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q: Why is being in the military like a blow job? A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Q: What do a dildo and soy beans have in common? A: They are both substitute meats.

Q: What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised? A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!

Q: What do a coffin and a condom have in common? A: They're both filled with stiffs, one's coming, one's going.

Q: What's the difference between a G- Spot and a golf ball? A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q: What are 3 two letter words that say small? A: Is it in.

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man? A: It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Monica? A: I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.

Q. What has seventy- five balls and screws old ladies? A. Bingo!

Q: What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common? A: Both can smell it but can't eat it.

Q. What's the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a " quickie", only you do it yourself.

Q: What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole? A: A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone

Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job? A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blow job.

There are a lot of folks that can't understand how we ran out of oil here in the USA. Well, here's the answer: It's simple………nobody bothered to check the oil. Didn't know we were getting low. And of course the reason for that is geographical. Most of the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma, and all the dipsticks are in Washington, D. C.

Q: How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? A: Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

This guy goes to the zoo one day. While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless. When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means " F* * k you! " in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better and he vowed revenge. The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla's cage, where he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn. Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, looked at the hat, and put it on. Next, he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half. The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.

Q: What did the Indian say to the white woman when she tied his penis in a knot? A: " How Come? "

One day there was two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, " My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran. "

Q: Why are cowgirls bowlegged? A: Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.

Q: What's the definition of a teenager? A: God's punishment for enjoying sex.

Q: Did you hear the slogan for the the new " Stealth Condom? " A: " They'll never see you coming. "

Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes.

You know the worst thing about oral sex? The view.

This women had a magic morror from which anything you wanted you got, so one day she stood in front of the mirror and said I wish i had bigger breasts and it happened so then she ran down stairs to show her husband he was so amazed that he ran up stairs and stood infront of the mirror and said i wish my dick could touch the floor and his legs fell off!

Whats the difference between your wife and your job? After 10 years, the job still sucks.

Q: What do you call a blonde that can suck a golfball through a water hose? A: Sweetheart!

Q: What did the blonde say during a porno? A: " There I am! "

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and McDonald's? A: A blonde serves more people in a night.

A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she'd do. The blonde did so and competely duffed the shot. The pro said " Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too hard – grip the club gently as you would your husband's penis. " The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway. The pro said " That was excellent! Let's try it again only this time take the club out of your mouth. "