Dirty Jokes

Q: What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised? A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!

Q: What do a coffin and a condom have in common? A: They're both filled with stiffs, one's coming, one's going.

Q: What's the difference between a G- Spot and a golf ball? A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q: What are 3 two letter words that say small? A: Is it in.

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man? A: It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Monica? A: I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.

Q. What has seventy- five balls and screws old ladies? A. Bingo!

Q: What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common? A: Both can smell it but can't eat it.

Q. What's the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a " quickie", only you do it yourself.

Q: What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole? A: A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone

Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job? A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blow job.

There are a lot of folks that can't understand how we ran out of oil here in the USA. Well, here's the answer: It's simple………nobody bothered to check the oil. Didn't know we were getting low. And of course the reason for that is geographical. Most of the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma, and all the dipsticks are in Washington, D. C.

Q: How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? A: Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

This guy goes to the zoo one day. While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless. When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means " F* * k you! " in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better and he vowed revenge. The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla's cage, where he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn. Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, looked at the hat, and put it on. Next, he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half. The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.

Q: What did the Indian say to the white woman when she tied his penis in a knot? A: " How Come? "

One day there was two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, " My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran. "

Q: Why are cowgirls bowlegged? A: Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.

Q: What's the definition of a teenager? A: God's punishment for enjoying sex.

Q: Did you hear the slogan for the the new " Stealth Condom? " A: " They'll never see you coming. "

Q: What do you call a truckload of vibrators? A: Toys for Twats.

Q: What do you call kinky sex with chocolate? A: S& M& M.

Q: Define Transvestite: A: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq? A: They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q: Why is being in the military like a blow job? A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Q: What do a dildo and soy beans have in common? A: They are both substitute meats.

A truck driver was going down a steep incline when, at the foot of the hill, he was able to make out a couple having sex in the middle of the road. Five times on his descent he sounded his horn, but they didn't move. He finally brought the truck'to a halt inches from them. The truck driver got out and stormed: " What the hell's the matter with you two?. Didn't you hear me? You could have been killed! " The man replied nonchalantly: " Listen, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes. "

Q: What do blonde's have against condoms? A: Their cheeks.

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? A: They're doing research on black holes.

Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? A: When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking.

Question: What do elephants use for tampoons? Answer: Sheep.

Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian? A: A waste.

Q: Why don't women have men's brains? A: Because they don't have penises to put them in.

Q: How are women and rocks alike? A: You skip across the flat ones.

Why is sex like a game of bridge? – You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.