Car and train jokes

I was going 70 miles an…

I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, – Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour? – – Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long. –

A Roadway driver is driving east…

A Roadway driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving west and the CB crackles to life. " Hey Roadway driver whos the two biggest poofs in America? " comes from the CB. The Roadway driver replies. " I don't know". The other trucker says " You and your brother ". Well the Roadway driver gets all annoyed but the other driver tells him " Its just a joke – tell it to the next truck you see. " Well the Roadway driver drives for about an hour an finally sees another truck. he gets on the CB and says " Hey other truck do you know who the two biggest poofs in the world are? " The other trucker says " I don't know who? " The roadway driver replies " Me and my brother"

A man was in court charged…

A man was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked if he had anything to say in his defense. " They shouldn't put up such misleading notices, " said the man. " It said FINE FOR PARKING HERE. "

A man was fed up of…

A man was fed up of having his car broken into and having his radio stolen he decided he would remove it when he parked his car he also left a note saying there is no point in breaking in my car as there is nothing to steal. When he returned to his car it had been broken into again and there was a new note where his had left his, saying just checking.!

On Fred's 17th birthday, his Dad…

On Fred's 17th birthday, his Dad said he'd take him out for his first driving lesson. As they got in the car, the father said, " Just one thing, Fred. If you're going to hit anything, make sure it's cheap. "

Personally, I like to stay and…

Personally, I like to stay and read the credits. When the last scene of Titanic faded to black and people began rushing for the exits, I shouted: " Quick! There are only enough cars in the parking lot for half of us! "