What is the title of the new Vietnamamese cookbook? 100 way to wok your dog.
Why did your brother give up his job in the biscuit factory? Because he went crackers.
What's the fastest cake in the world? Meriiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnngue.
How does a witch make scrambled eggs? She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright.
A fat girl went into a cafe and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream cover with lashings of raspberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts. 'Would you like a cherry on the top? 'asked the waitress. 'No, thanks, 'said the girl, 'I'm on a diet! '
Q: What what can you make from baked beans and onions? A: Tear gas.
What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a slice of bread. Doctor: You've got to stop loafing around.
Flo: Try some of my sponge cake. Joe: It's a bit tough. Flo: That's strange. I only bought the sponge from the chemist this morning.
At a party, a conjurer was producing egg after egg from a little boy's ear. " There! " he said proudly. " I bet your Mum can't produce eggs without hens, can she? " " Oh yes, she can, " said the boy. " She keeps ducks. "
Camper: There's something wrong with my hot dog. Cook: Don't tell me. I'm not a veterinarian.
Several women were discussing what they should have for dinner. " If you're watching your weight, " came one suggestion, " those diet frozen dinners are good. " The man then added: " But get two. They're small. "
Why did the grape cross the road? To get away from the grapefruit.
Did you hear about the teacher who was trying to instil good table manners in her girls? She told them that a well brought girl never crumbles her bread or rolls in her soup.
Girl: Did you like that cake, Mrs Jones? Mrs Jones: Yes, very much. Girl: That's funny. My mom said you didn't have any taste.
What happens if you play tabletennis with a bad egg? First it goes ping, then it goes pong.
How can you tell the difference between a can of chicken soup and a can of tomato soup? Read the label.
Do you feel like a glass of carrot juice? Why? Do I look like one?
What's the difference between a homeless and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.
They say she has a sharp tongue. Yes, she can slice bread with it.
What cake wanted to rule the world? Attila the Bun.
My brother's on a seafood diet. Really? Yes, the more he sees food the more he eats.
What food are you able to can? Cannibal (can able) food.
Would you like a duck egg for supper? Only if you quack it for me.
What ghost is handy in the kitchen? A recipe spook.
Have you heard the story about the loaf of bread? No. Oh, crumbs.
What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner? Thank you, I'll just have a slither.
A tourist walked into a fish and chip shop in Ireland. " I'll have fish and chips twice, " he orders. " Sure, I heard you the first time, " came the reply.
What food is good for the brain? Noodle soup.
What vegetable needs a plumber? A leek.
I'd say he was spineless. Yes, about as spineless as cooked spaghetti.
Why can't you make bread like my mother? I would if you could make dough like your father!
What musical instrument goes with cheese? Picklelo.
What's red and green and wears boxing gloves? A fruit punch.
Why are oranges like bells? You can peel (peal) both of them.