Hair and bald jokes

Your head is sooooo bald I mistook you for a green rabbit.

Barber: Your hair is getting grey, Sir. Customer: I'm not surprised – hurry up, will you?

Karen: Have you noticed that Daddy is getting taller? Sharon: No, why? Karen: His head is sticking through his hair.

What side of a monster has more hair? The outside!

I had a dream you were a tire last night. I woke up and you were bald.

Barber: And how old are you, little man? Fred: Eight. Barber: And do you want a haircut? Fred: Well, I certainly didn't come in for a shave!

Who never gets his hair wet in the shower? A bald man.

Knock Knock Who's there! Barber! Barber who? Barberd wire!

Your so bald your bald

My barber is a specialist in road map shaves. How come? When he's finished, your face is full of short cuts.

What do you call a high- priced barber shop? A clip joint.

What do you call a proton with big hair? A 'froton.

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, " I'll have a shave and a shoe shine. " The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, " Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room. " She replied, " I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that. The cowboy said, " Tell him your working overtime and I'll pay you the difference. " She said, " You tell him. He is the one shaving you. "

Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in? Customer: No. Barber: Oh dear! Then I must have cut your throat.

For what person do all men take off their hats? The barber.

A guy admired the hair of three girls. He walked by one and asked, " How'd you get such lovely blonde hair" Taking her hand and gently running it through her hair, the girl answered, " It's natural. " The guy walked by the second girl and asked, " How'd you get such pretty brown hair? " Fluffing her hair, the second girl said, " It's natural. " Finally the guy approached the third girl and asked, " How'd you get such cool green hair? " Taking her hand and rubbing it up past her nose, then skimming it through the hair, she said, " It's natural. "

First boy: My dad saw a horrible witch and didn't turn a hair! Second boy: I'm not surprised – your dad's bald!

Doctor, Doctor my hair keeps falling out, can you give me anything to keep it in? Yes, here is a paper bag!

If the Pilgrims came over on the Mayflower, how did the barbers arrive? On clipper ships.

Q: Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? A: It matches their mustaches.

What do you call an English teacher, five feet tall, covered from head to toe in boils and totally bald? Sir!

Why did the bald man go outside? To get some fresh hair!

How can you avoid falling hair? Get out of the way.

A woman was cutting her husband's thinning hair, when their teenage son arrived home looking for a snack. She ofered a kiwifruit and tried to tempt him with its nutritious qualities. " It has more vitamin C than an orange, " she remarked. " And more hair than Dad, " added their son.

Look at that bald man over there. It's the first time I've seen a parting with ears.

When can you dive in a swimming pool and not get your hair wet? When your bald!

Why was the lady's hair angry? Because she was always teasing it.

A guy walks in to the Barbershop. Barber says, " What will it be today? " Guy says, " well I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other, and just make it all out of shape and messed up. " Barber says, " Now why in the world do you want your hair cut like that. " Guy says, " That's how you cut it last time"

America's oldest lady was 115 years old today, and she hasn't got a grey hair on her head. How come? She's completely bald.

Janet came home from school and asked her mother if the aerosol spray in the kitchen was hair lacquer. " No, " said Mom. " It's glue. " " I thought so, " said Janet. " I wondered why I couldn't get my hat off today. "

Why did the bald man put a rabbit on his head? Because he wanted a head of hare (hair).

There are three ways a man wears his hair – parted- unparted or departed

What's your dad getting for Christmas? Bald and fat.

Teacher: I see you don't cut your hair any longer. Fred: No sir, I cut it shorter.

What should you buy if your hair falls out? A good vacuum cleaner!