Look at that bald man over there. It's the first time I've seen a parting with ears.
Hair and bald jokes
When can you dive in a swimming pool and not get your hair wet? When your bald!
Why was the lady's hair angry? Because she was always teasing it.
A guy walks in to the Barbershop. Barber says, " What will it be today? " Guy says, " well I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other, and just make it all out of shape and messed up. " Barber says, " Now why in the world do you want your hair cut like that. " Guy says, " That's how you cut it last time"
America's oldest lady was 115 years old today, and she hasn't got a grey hair on her head. How come? She's completely bald.
Janet came home from school and asked her mother if the aerosol spray in the kitchen was hair lacquer. " No, " said Mom. " It's glue. " " I thought so, " said Janet. " I wondered why I couldn't get my hat off today. "
Why did the bald man put a rabbit on his head? Because he wanted a head of hare (hair).
There are three ways a man wears his hair – parted- unparted or departed
What's your dad getting for Christmas? Bald and fat.
Teacher: I see you don't cut your hair any longer. Fred: No sir, I cut it shorter.
What should you buy if your hair falls out? A good vacuum cleaner!
Doctor, doctor, can you give me something for my baldness? How about a few pounds of pig manure? Will that cure my baldness? No, but with that on your head no one will come near enough to notice you're bald.
Fred: Betty has lovely long red hair all down her back. Harry: Pity it's not on her head!
What kind of hair do oceans have? Wavy!
Peg- Leg Baldy A bald man with a peg leg gets invited to a costume party. Being shy and self- conscious about his appearance, he goes to the best costume shop in town. When he gets there, he tells the shop owner his situation and that he would rather cover his head and leg with a costume instead instead of exploiting his apparent problems. So, the shop owner comes back with a lifeguard costume. The man says, " No, no. That will show off my peg leg. I can't hide it with that. Try again. " So the shop owner leaves and comes back with a monk costume And again the man says, " No, no. I can't wear that. It will make people notice my head. " Obviously pissed off, the shop owner leaves and comes back with a five- pound bag of caramels, gives it to the man and says, " Here. Just take this. " Confused, the man says, " What am I suposed to do with a bag of caramels? " Smiling, the shop owner says, " Take home this bag of caramels, melt them, pour it all over your body, stick that peg leg up your ass and tell everyone you're a caramel apple. "
Why do bald- headed men never use keys? Because they've lost their locks.
Is that your face or are you wearing your hair back to front today?
I want a hair cut please. Certainly, which one!
Your so bald, I can see what your thinking.
Why do barbers make good drivers? Because they know all the short cuts.
What do you get if you cross a hairdresser with a werewolf? A monster with an all- over perm.
What do you call a pen with no hair? A bald point!
The Sunday School teacher asked if any of the children's parents had quoted from the Bible in the past week. Little Timmy paused, but then spoke up, " My daddy doesn't have any hair on his head. Daddy says that God put hair on everything that he was ashamed of. "
A man sitting in a barber's chair noticed that the barber's hands were very dirty. When he commented on this, the barber explained, " Yes, sir, no one's been in for a shampoo yet. "
Customer: Couldn't you see I was going bald? Barber: No, the shine from your head blinded me.
What do you call a policeman with blonde hair? A fair cop!
After accepting an invitation to dance with a rather prematurely balding man a young woman wants to lighten the mood and says, " Honey, God was good to you, gave you a handsome face and room for another one. "
How much for a haircut? Barber: Fifteen dollars. How much for a shave? Barber: Ten dollars. Right – shave my head.
Customer: Why did you take off so much hair? Barber: I didn't, nature beat me to it.
What do you get if you cross a wireless with a hairdresser? Radio waves!
YOUR SO BALD THAT WHEN YOU WHERE A TURTLENECK YOU LOOK LIKE A ROLL ON DEODORANT.
What's a barber's favourite kind of holiday? Cruising on a clipper.
Customer: Why doesn't my hairline look good? Barber: It's on the same old head.
What do you get if you cross a hairdresser and a bucket of cement? Permanent waves!
a guy was teased everywhere of his totally noticably bald head! Afta goin thru yrs of this, he decided that he should say sumthin about it! so he stood up on2 the tallest statue and shouted 4 everyone 2 hear: 'I AM NOT BALD, ITS JUST THAT IM TALLER THAN MY HAIR! '