Religion

A Friend's PrayerMay the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person whoscrews up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch. Amen

The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and states, " I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news. " Of course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the Pope tells them, " Jesus Christ has returned to the world. The time of judgement is at hand, and our faith in his existence is justified. " After the commotion dies down a bit, one of the cardinals speaks up, asking what the terrible news is. The Pope replies, " He was callingfrom Salt Lake City. "

What is white and flies across the sky? The coming of the Lord.

Do you know what happens if you don't pay your exorcist? You get repossessed!

Visual joke.: Stand with both arms outstreached level with your shoulders. Ask: " what's this? " – A really crappy way to spend Easter.

How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who hadbeen going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall andthere he was! She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when heturned to leave, she approached him for an interview. " I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to theWestern Wall and praying? " " For about 60 years. " " 60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for? " " I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray forall the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safetyand friendship. " " How do you feel after doing this for 60 years? " " Like I'm talking to a fucking wall. "

The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorneyand a farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent. Attorney: " At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life? " Farmer: " That's right. " Attorney: " Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon? " Farmer: " When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, mydog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of wordsto say I've never felt better in my life.